Back before I was a Dad, I was selfish, unmotivated, and direction-less, and I didn’t even know it.

I held dead-end jobs, I focused on things that didn’t lead to anything good, and I wasted my most precious resource, time. The reason I wasted so much time was that I didn’t really understand how little of it I have, and how important it is to make the most out of what little time there is.

I didn’t think about how I could use my time to become a better example for my future son. I didn’t think about how I could dedicate my working life to a career that could help me give my family what they deserve while also growing upon my innate skills and abilities. I didn’t take the time to really figure out what was important to me in life, instead I partied and worried about complete and total bullshit. I was going nowhere fast, and running out of time without realizing it.

My girlfriend accidentally getting pregnant in 2014 was a big slap in the face, and a very big wake up call. It brought into question every aspect of my life, and especially the parts of life that I was ignoring. Also of the sudden the questions like, “When I am going to figure out what I want to do when I grow up?” were answered with, “Right Fucking Now!”

I realized I need somehow become a great father-figure, right now, or I would be direction-less boy failing to provide for a struggling family.

I made a choice when Jessica (now my fiancee) was pregnant: that becoming a Dad was going to force me into becoming all the things I wanted to be ‘someday.’ It was going to be what I needed to get my shit together.
Well it worked, but not right away. Being a parent is really fucking hard, and takes a lot of time. So while I wanted to actually embody all my true values and be my best self, I had to spend a lot of time changing poopy diapers, getting my baby to sleep, and just being present with my little guy. There just wasn’t a lot of time to go after what I wanted for me at first, and I’m glad there wasn’t.

Getting this little dude to sleep took way too much time

By dedicating my time to my son, I learned how valuable time really is, and how to stop wasting so damn much of it like I had been doing. Despite my lack of free time, I now workout more than twice as much, write much more, play music more, read more books, and focus on my relationship with Jessica even more.This is because we value things that are scarce, and for the first time in my life, time was scarce, so I started treating it like the precious resource that it is.

But I was still wasting my time at work on a career that I had no real interest in pursuing long term, and was even rising up and gaining respect at the job. I was going down the wrong rabbit hole and needed to get out of there fast, and my new attitude towards time combined with the desire to become a better example for my son propelled me out of there.

So in a matter of months I completely switched my career from organizing massive conventions to selling software to the bio-tech and scientific research community. Organizing conventions was giving me a massive headache with all the endless details and planning, and I wasn’t getting paid enough for my hard work. I wanted a job that utilized and grew my interpersonal skills while also giving financial reward for work well done, along with skin in the game with the company I’m working for (If I make money, they make money, and vice versa).

After almost a year in software sales I have seen exponential growth upon my most natural skill, communication, and had better financial success than I could have imagined. I made more money in 6 months that I did in a whole year at my last job. I also just got promoted, and will be making even more money soon while learning even more valuable skills and getting even more closely aligned with my company’s mission and values.

If I didn’t become a Dad, I’d probably still be making way less money doing something I’m not naturally good at, and miserable at work. Becoming an instant role-model to a little baby made me create that positive change that I now see I desperately needed.

I also lost 25 pounds after having my son. Maybe it was the ‘sympathy weight’ from the pregnancy, or maybe it was just me being lazy, but I had what I called ‘office chub.’ This was 25 pounds of extra weight, mostly around my midsection and love handles, that I blamed as being a result of having to work in an office.

Well, I don’t want my son to have a Dad who has ‘office chub’ so I figured out how to get rid of it as fast as possible. Before being a Dad, I always made excuses like I didn’t have time for the gym or I just needed to find the right exercise, like Muay Thai or Yoga, and dedicate myself to it, which would then get me in shape. Well none of that ever happened, and there I was an ‘office chub’ Dad who now had zero extra time for going to the gym or Muay Thai classes now. I had to figure out something completely different to get in shape.
So I started doing exercise videos from home, starting with Shaun T’s Focus T25, which helped me lose 15 lbs in 6 weeks. I also ate healthier, and started bringing my lunch to work instead of eating shitty food with co-workers. I made these things a habit, and they stuck. Not only did they stick, but I started improving upon them over time.

I went from Focus T25 through a series of other at home workout programs that were progressively harder, and that required more and more home gym equipment. I gradually built up a home gym that consists of six sets of dumbells, from 5 to 30 pounds, a bench, and a pull up bar. All I need now are kettlebells and a sand bag and I will be complete. I’m now doing a program called ‘Live to Fail’ on TheDailyBurn.com. It’s simple but extremely effective weight lifting and cardio exercises that are pushing me to build more muscle than ever before while shredding off the last remnants of that ‘office chub.’

Thanks to fatherhood, I got rid of that 'office chub'

What my body look and feel like right now if I hadn’t become a Dad? I’m guessing I would have kept getting just a little fatter over time, and would have a 35 pound office chub instead of the 25 pounds that I had before fatherhood. Instead, becoming a Dad motivated me to get my ass in shape.

I know the stereotype is for new dads to get the ‘Dad Bod,’ which was even more reason for me to get in shape. I didn’t want to have a ‘Dad Bod,’ shit, I already had a ‘Dad Bod’ and it was time to make that go away. Now my son will have a strong male figure to look up to, and will most likely value his own health much more because of it.

I guess when you have someone who you are responsible for, and who will look up to you for the rest of your life, it becomes your responsibility to become the best version of yourself that you can be. This will show my son that it’s also possible for him to be the best version of himself.

I know this isn’t the case for every new Dad, and many might even use it as an excuse to let themselves go, and to give up on their dreams, but I reject that way of looking at it.

To me, fatherhood gives me the responsibility to live the life of my dreams, and to be the person who I’m truly meant to be. Fatherhood is making me become the best version of myself yet.

tom-sullivan