Even though today marks a day when I'm older, I was a very young girl in my dream, at around 12 years old. I was narrating to myself a fictional reality where I was obsessed with a figurine that was in my uncle's house.
I looked at the shelves in the well-lit second-floor living room and I saw a blue-grey statuette. I cannot remember how it looked. It had properties similar to voodoo: the person who held it felt called to the depths home to the creature depicted in the statuette.
I decided to grab the statuette as I talked and I remembered at that moment that the whole government was afraid of this creature. I knew that they did not dare come close to it and that the place was abandoned deep underground, only accessible through sewers and cave tunnels.
It was very dark outside and it looked a bit like a circus. There were a lot of decorations on the walls and some hanging ornaments. There were colourful decorations, but it all carried an old air, an abandoned greyish yellow-orange.
I went in and as I was walking through a labyrinth with walls painted in funny cartoon-like images, I heard playful screams. It was a boy. I approached the centre of the labyrinth where I saw the "beast", which was just a man who had something in his arms (perhaps a dog, a toy or a red balloon).
When I got near him, I became aware that he could fulfil anyone's wishes like a genie. What his nature reminded me of is that of "the Beast" in The Magicians. This "beast" is a powerful entity with power beyond that understood by humans. The power of the beast comes from the fact that they're immortal interdimensional beings, sort of like comparing ants to blue whales, but making blue whales as big as entire universes, where their human shape (what we see) is but a small strand of their consciousness, like a hair or a finger.
He was happy to see me as if I were family. I walked near him and I heard the steps of the boy that had screamed before. He was running from someone. He ran toward the man and decided to ask for a wish. He asked for the power to defeat the enemy that was following him. He started turning green and big, like the Hulk. He grew about one foot and I was amazed at how quick the fulfilment of the wish was. But then he started deflating as if the wish were over, but he stayed a bit bigger than before and still had bulging muscles and was carrying broken parts of his shirt on him.
This dream ended here. I had a few others, but this was the one that stayed with me for the whole day (I forgot the others). The thing that shocked me the most was the existence of a human-like creature underground, feared by all, but in peace. A man who, when angered, could destroy anything, but used his powers daily just to fulfil people's wishes and do as he pleased, not being conflictive but territorial and protective.
So, today is my birthday! 🎉🎉🎊🎊
Recently, I hadn't been feeling well. I spent January feeling like I had lost a lot of progress in my life. I thought that I wouldn't be able to feel motivated again unless I drastically changed my habits, but I didn't have the strength to actually do it.
Foreseeing my birthday today, I fixed my sleeping schedule starting February, paid all my debts, started painting again, and I found a friend to hang out with in order to finally leave my home and have someone to chat with. But oh vey! Three days ago, the screen with which I painted was taken from my desk to my grandma's desk because it was actually a small TV.
Now I have a very small screen and it's hard to code and paint, but at least I can still paint. Again, I thought that I had fallen to an unsalvageable point. I considered just saying "screw it", packing my bags and leaving to another place where people don't just take my stuff. But I decided to stay and after a few days of meditation, hustle and physical exercise, I'm feeling much better.
I decided to go to the shops and see if I can find a replacement, but screens don't seem to be sold at decent prices here (arount $250 for the cheapest 1080p screen). Woot! I have decided that I will stay with this tiny screen and just make do with it. I won't be programming much, but I will draw a lot.
Anyway, as the last point, I think that the lesson here is that no matter the difficulties, we have to keep going! As my description says: "the lost can always find a way". You just have to look for the hidden beauty in the world. It's much harder to draw now without a proper screen, but I can still do it! I wasn't drawing as much before, but since I lost my screen and decided that it was too hard to draw, I've been drawing even more than before in order to spite destiny, like
you think you can beat me down!? :D Ｎ Ｏ Ｐ Ｅ
Anyway, happy birthday to me, and I hope you're doing well. On this me-day, I decided to come by and say hi to everyone because it would be weird not to make a birthday post. Birthdays are to be shared!
As a birthday gift for everyone, I bring you the gift of a bee that I drew:
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