As I sit here once again in my parents house it really gives me the time to reflect on the direction that I have taken in my life. Coming back here and visiting towns where I went to school, places where I hung out as a teenager, even seeing people that I went to school with. Seeing them in passing, not getting the opportunity to talk to them, not sure if they even recognized me. These are people who have chosen to settle down and live in the same place that they grew up in.
Some people never feel the urge to leave the place or area that they grew up in. They seem content to stay in the same place and live their lives out there. Part of me feels that it is unnatural to not want to travel, to see different places, to experience many different things. But then the desire to travel and move has always been really strong in me. From a young age I fantasized about all the places that I wanted to go. I found pictures of the countries I wanted to visit and I hung them up in my bedroom. My bedroom wall becoming a vision board, before I even knew what that meant. Manifesting my future without ever hearing the term manifestation.
Some people do not need to travel because everything they desire and need is right there for them! I remember reading that somewhere and maybe it is true, at the end of the day we all have our journeys, our discoveries to make. But I have learnt so much about humankind by travelling, learning so much about how similar we all are, how we all need the same things. But also how all our lives, really are so unique and how wonderfully diverse our lifestyles are. There is so much happening globally and we all know that the media is very selective about what information they share with us. It is our responsibility to find out what is happening, to be informed and to stay informed.Nobody will do that for us.
But the amount of times I have had people try and tell me something that they believe to be true, yet I know from firsthand experience that it is not, but they are adamant because they have heard about it on the T.V. There place to go to be informed. I no longer even try and have a conversation with them, because I have realized that they are not willing to have their reality questioned, that the thought of it makes them very defensive and very afraid. It is difficult coming back here and not rocking the boat. It is something that is very easy to do, because the amount of trust that some people have, in the very limited information that they are drip fed is startling.
Even how I live my life can be too much for some. I have found that all to often they wish to tell me about their lives but never ask about mine and if I try to talk about my lifestyle, they just nod and change the subject. But that is okay, because it is important to meet people in life where they are at. I am not here to tell other people what to do, that is really the main problem in the first place, because so many get used to being told what to do. That they have effectively forgot how to think for themselves. To listen to themselves, to see things thru their own eyes. It is really been difficult for me to meet anyone on this visit that actually is seeing things in focus, with their own eyesight and not relying on someone else's projections, to help them form an opinion or help them make a decision.
From a shy teenager, with dreams of travelling the world, with dreams of escaping a youth that left me feeling different and out of place, to now a mother of 3 living in a truck in the South of Spain, out of the system, thinking for myself, educating myself.
Trusting and listening to my inner wisdom and feeling my connection to this amazing planet that we call home. Knowing that the way I live my life is exactly how I am meant to be living it. Trusting in what comes my way, surrendering to the flow. Even when times are difficult and my energy is low, my emotions so raw, I know that what follows on will be joyous, that I will experience and feel everything that comes my way. My life is not numb, it is full to bursting with experiences and lessons, with hardships and moments of pure joy.
Embracing change, welcoming it, knowing that I have so much more to learn and revelling in it.
I have had moments on this visit of such overwhelming sadness, having to witness suffering and pain and not being able to do anything about it. To just be there, to be present, that is all I could do, no words I could say would change anything. Yet fighting the urge to use words to try and make sense of something, to justify it, but that time, those moments were not meant for words they we just meant for being. But it is interesting how we try to use our logic, our desire to know always creeping in, trying to make things sound better than they really are. Maybe it is the awkwardness or the fear or the sadness, trying to grasp at anything that may bring comfort. But the comfort comes from just being present. That by just being there is enough.
I am learning all the time, discovering and becoming more than who I was. In writing this, I allow all of that to sink in, to allow myself the time to reflect, to look back on where I have come from to who I am now.I could write so much more, but as a mother of 3 I do not have the time to write all that comes to me, but that is okay, because that is how it must be.
1st Image Source:https://getbg.net/image/305160/
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