Roast Beef
By: Rickie O. Pauley (@Lymmerik)
“Callie, do you remember that guy we met on our trip to Cabo a couple of months ago? What was his name?” Grace cracked her knuckles with one loud rippling pop and picked up the menu. “Is this a new menu?”
“Stop that Grace! You’re going to have arthritis by the time you’re thirty. Ooh, it is a new menu. O’Connor’s is moving up in the world!”
“Oh look, shamrocks on the cover.” Grace picked up her menu. “I hope they still have my sandwich.”
Callie looked around the pub for Maxine. “God, did she have to go to China for our tea? What are you getting? I’m so hungry.”
“I was thinking pickles and ice cream.” Grace scanned the pub for Maxine and gave a sigh.
“Pickles...and ice cream…Grace? Are you preggers? I’ll call your mother.”
“God, Callie. What do you think I’m getting?” Grace chewed a fingernail nervously. “I swear, Maxine is the slowest server ever.”
Callie picked up her cell phone, scrolled through her pictures, and held the phone up to show Grace. “Maxine is slow, but he was the slowest server ever. Damn, he was cute.”
“Focus Callie.” Grace shook her finger in the air. “Do you remember that guy who took us to the beach for a bonfire that night in Cabo?”
Callie peeked around her phone at Grace and cocked her head. “What guy?” She leaned toward Grace and waggled her phone. “You should have put him in your contacts.”
“I’m going to need a valium before I get through this. Do you, or don’t you?”
“Oh, yeah the bonfire. The bonfire where you lost your phone and we had to carry you back to the room you were so drunk, bonfire?”
“Umm, mean! Okay, I’ll give you that one.” Grace blinked innocently. “I lost my phone and that’s why I have his name and email on a piece of paper. It’s at home somewhere. I put it in my computer too, but I can’t find it anywhere.”
Callie dropped her phone into her purse. “So, why do you need it? Wasn’t he from Ireland or somewhere? Oh my god, that was such a fun night.”
“He’s from Dublin. I love his accent, and he’s cute.” Grace shrugged her shoulders and cracked her neck with a roll of her head.
“Damn it Grace. Stop popping everything.” Callie shivered. “You mean the dancer?”
“No, the juggler, Callie. Yes, the dancer. He said that he’d be coming to New York this month. If he does, I’d like to see him again and, you know…get to know him better.” Grace glanced back down at the menu. “I could swear that I put that piece of paper in...”
“Sorry, I had to make fresh tea. Can I take your order?” Maxine said as she placed the tea, napkins and silverware in front of them.
“Maxine, I’ll have the Reuben with a side salad, and she’ll have…”
Grace put her hand up like she was stopping traffic. “I’ll have the open-faced roast beef sandwich with the mashed potatoes, au jus, and horseradish sauce. Extra horseradish, please.”
“God, Grace, you’re going to turn into a roast beef sandwich!” Callie closed the menu and handed it to Maxine.
“You know I come here for the roast beef.”
Maxine jotted down their order. “I’ll get this right out for you. By the way, tomorrow night we have an Irish dance troupe on stage. You should come out and see them. They start at nine.”
“Sounds fun, will they have their kilts and bagpipes too?” Grace asked.
Maxine raised her eyebrows. “That’s the Scottish, sweetie. Save room for dessert, ladies.”
“Fat chance.” Callie watched Maxine walk away and turned her attention back to Grace. “Now, what’s going on with you? You clearly have no life.”
“Callie, I don’t know how…”
“Wasn’t that guy’s name Simon or Calvin, or something like that?”
Grace exclaimed, “Cullum! His name is Cullum. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
“Glad I could help.” Carrie threw her head back and took a deep breath. “So, you really want to see um...Callum again?”
Grace closed her eyes and gave a sigh. “Truth is, Callie, I am pregnant, but I haven’t told you because...”
“I knew it!” Callie slapped her palm on the table. “Are you crazy? What the hell, Grace?”
“Calm down, Callie. I think maybe I should tell him.” Grace looked at her, hoping for confirmation.
Callie opened her mouth to respond, but could only stare in disbelief. Grace looked at her seeking assurance, but Callie only shook her head.
“Callie, I didn’t tell you, because I thought you’d go sideways on me.”
Callie fidgeted with a spinner ring on her finger, twirling it around like a miniature hula hoop. “No, I wouldn’t go sideways on you. You’re like a sister to me. An older, much wiser sister.”
“Okay, you’ve made your point, Callie.”
Callie looked her straight in the eyes. “How long have you known?”
“Three…weeks, maybe.”
Callie slumped back in the chair. “Three weeks,” shaking her head, “you’ve known three weeks and only now tell me. I’m the one person you tell everything to...wait, I thought you were on the pill?”
“Lower your voice!” Grace whispered. “I am on the pill, Callie, that’s what’s so unbelievable. I haven’t missed one in like, forever. Please, don’t be mad.”
“Not mad. Hurt, maybe, but not mad.” Callie looked down at the table and back to Grace. “Well then, mister river dance must have some potent swimmers.”
“Very funny, Callie. What am I going to do? What if he says it isn’t his?” Grace swung her legs out from under the table and crossed them, wiggling her foot from side to side.
“Um, two words, paternity test.” Callie tapped her lower lip with her finger. “Are you a hundred percent positive the baby is his? Were you with anyone before we went to Cabo?”
“Yes, it’s his. And no, no one else.”
Callie looked up at the ceiling in thought. “Not even Sam?”
“Oh my god no, not even Sam.” Grace glanced at three guys coming in the door. “Holy shit, he’s here.” She put her hand up in front of her face. “Don’t turn around.”
“What’s Sam doing here?” Callie turned to look, but Grace kicked her from the side of the table.
“Not Sam. It’s Cullum. Don’t look! That’s Cullum. He’s with a couple other guys.”
Callie put her elbow on the table and rested her chin in the palm of her hand. She nonchalantly pivoted her head to have a look. “No, that guy has a beard. Girl, you’re not into facial hair.”
“That is definitely him.” Grace pushed her chair back. “I’m going to go say hi.”
“Hold on.” Callie took her phone out of her purse. “I think I took pics of you passed out in his arms by the fire. Let’s have a look.”
Grace caught her breath. “You have pictures of me passed out. You little shit! How come you’ve never shown them to me?”
Callie flipped through her photos and held the phone out to Grace. “Is it him?”
“Yep, it’s him.” Grace stood up, but Callie grabbed her arm.
“Grace, sit down. Think about this for a minute. What are you going to say? Oh, hey, remember me? I’m having your baby.”
“That’s a start.” Grace plopped back down in her chair. “Maybe I can just accidentally bump into him and act surprised to see him.”
“Just walk by, but you’ve got to get close enough to hear to him say something. If he has an Irish brogue, then there’s your baby daddy!” Callie laughed.
“Why don’t I just have him recite a limerick while I’m at it?”
“Whatever. You stay here and I’ll go. It’s been two months. I met him once and it was dark. Besides, he couldn’t take his eyes off you.” Callie picked up her purse. “Be right back.”
She stood up, but sat right back down. “You go. If it is him, maybe you should invite him over for roast beef.”
Grace pointed to the facilities. “Just act like you’re going to the bathroom. I’ll be right here.”
Callie got up from her chair again just as Maxine brought their meal to the table.
“Watch out…”
Callie felt her shoulder hit one of the plates, knocking it from Maxine’s hand.
Grace watched the plate of food fall to the floor, but she jumped anyway as it exploded on the floor like a shotgun blast.
Everyone in the pub, including Cullum, gasped, laughed, and went quiet for a moment. “Oh, shit.” Callie heard her words echo throughout the silent dining room.
“Oh no! Are you okay?”
Callie sensed the eyes of everyone in the pub on the back of her head. “I’m okay,” she announced to her audience, “momma always said I was the graceful one in the family. I’m so sorry, Maxine.”
“Hey, no worries,” Maxine laughed, “shame it was your Reuben, though.”
Grace winked at Maxine and pointed to the empty space on the table in front of her. “I’m the roast beef.”