I had another post planned, one I started earlier today (like 7hrs ago) but kept getting interrupted by things. It’s an in-depth post looking at what’s happened over the last few months in my journey of self discovery.. and well I guess I’m just not ready to write it, or I’m a horrible blogger so therefore it takes me longer. Who knows.

Since part of that journey was a promise to “share more.” In a way that puts myself out there.. in an honest and raw way, I thought maybe a freewrite was better fitting for tonight and might be what my soul needed.



_{And in the sake of putting myself out there, some experimental photography I did recently}


There is a topic that has come up a lot in my life the last few days. In fact it was part of multiple discussions today alone, that had absolutely nothing to do with each other... just a random coincidence.

Trust

What is it? And how come so many of us can’t seem to do it?

Trust is a hard thing to earn, and once it’s lost, it’s nearly impossible to recover.

I was told recently (very nicely I might add), that I don’t trust anyone, and essentially I just needed to “get over it.” But how does one simply “get over” all the things they have experienced? They can’t.

Every single thing that we have been through makes us who we are.. flaws and all.

To trust is a hard thing to do.. you are essentially putting yourself at the mercy of another. Raw, exposed and vulnerable. Once you have been wronged by someone who you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with, someone you trusted, someone you felt safe with, it’s hard to do it again. Go through that a few times and it’s nearly impossible.

While I wouldn’t say I “trust no one,” it’s definitely a very short list.. and online.. it’s even shorter. What I find interesting about things here, in our online world, is it’s the ones I would have never expected that I trust the most. While those that seem to be the most likely “trustworthy” candidates are those you have to watch your back around. They seem to be the ones with their knife ready, just waiting for the moment that most benefits them to shove it in your back. It’s a sad fact, but that’s just how life goes.

So why trust at all?

I feel that we as human beings were meant to have meaningful connections. I think we were designed to be vulnerable, we were designed to be flawed and we were designed to be drawn to one another.

Why? Hell, I don’t know.. a cruel joke?

Or maybe it’s how we grow, it’s how we discover who we were meant to be all along. Maybe we need to fall on our face, just so we pick ourselves up again.. maybe we are so damn stubborn that if we never fell, we would never fulfill our full potential.

Maybe we need one another...

To trust no one is a lonely thing, and not one that leads to success. It leaves us bitter, stubborn and always on the defense. It makes us act irrationally and well, stops us from finding any form of happiness. Maybe we were meant to be vulnerable, we just need to be careful of who it’s with.

What’s the solution?

As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to take nothing at face value, and I mean nothing. I always look at actions and slowly observe before forming a “decision” about an individual or situation etc. Sometimes this means I don’t trust people who the rest of the world seems to love, which sometimes can be lonely as well. But most of the time this allows me to discover amazing human beings where I didn’t even know they existed.

Those that the rest of the “world” has written off because they can’t see past the surface, and are so blinded by other individuals fakeness that they can’t see what’s right in front of them. I’d rather see the hard and ugly truth than a fake but pretty lie, every single time.

The fact of the matter is, when need to trust someone.. we weren’t meant to be alone in this. Maybe just that person comes in a package you wouldn’t expect, or at a time you weren’t prepared for. Stop focusing on face value and look at an individuals actions.. take a breath and look at that situation from a distance; analyze, evaluate, and see who’s word matches up with their actions.. see who stands by their beliefs and principles no matter who they are in front of.. see who asks nothing of you, but offers you up something pretty special... Their rawness, their vulnerability, Their trust.

Those are the ones you want standing next to you, shoulder to shoulder, in the good and bad times.

Trust is a funny thing, it requires us to be vulnerable.. but once we are able to do so, we find that we are stronger.

I don’t like being vulnerable.. but I also want to live this life to the fullest. I believe being brave enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable is part of the experience. I believe we need to have deep connections with other human beings, to really experience life. I believe some of us are drawn to one another for one reason or another, it’s all just a part of our journey, our story. If we try to do it all on our own, we may never reach our full potential.

And that would be an utter tragedy...

Thanks for listening to me ramble.

Much Love,

Justine