She was disheartened, the world's weight seems to have been dumped on her shoulders. It was just a few days after they tied the knot when the rumors against her started. She tried to ignore them but they spiraled, one after another. This and that. It was her first and it hit her really hard.
"This wasn't the life I imagined myself to be in... no this isn't," her thoughts would play the words repeatedly as she cried in the middle of the night, hiding her tears under the sheets. She was choking, dying deep within.
Regrets flowed, self-pity, doubts on the decisions made, anger surfaced, and resentment too, not towards other people but towards herself. She could have just lived life the way she wanted, exploring the world and not getting tied to a title that spelled "w-i-f-e." She blamed herself... she became so unhappy.
Her loved ones were noticing, asking why she seemed to be getting skinnier by the day but she would just laugh it off saying she was alright. She'd bury herself with work on the day time, laughing, smiling, chatting away. Then would live in a different world at night - what a sad, lowly life that was.
Then one day, she took a real hard look at the mirror and was frightened. Her eyes sad and lifeless. Her usually full and happy face gaunt. Her smile so lethargic...
"This isn't me!" she cried out, tears flowed generously. "No, this really isn't me!" she kept on, realizing how she had been wasting 6-7 years of her life living under the impression that she was not good enough. Worst, she believed it. She totally lost her own voice.
There, she decided to not care any more. She knew her worth, she knew who she is and she would never again allow anyone's words and opinions of her destroy her equilibrium. How the hell did she let them affect and imprison her for years? Darn!
And little by little, she found joy and peace... She got her beautiful life back and never again would she let anyone steal that.
That had been the worst emotional and psychological experience and although it taught me one of the best lessons in life, I'd rather not go through such. Hence, if given the chance to travel back, even just for a week, I'll go to that phase and would do things (respond) differently.
It is true what Lau Tzu said, that when you care about other people's approval, you will end up their prisoner. Was glad to have broken free from that.
This is my answer to the question on the Blog of the Month by the Silver Bloggers community, re:
If you had the opportunity to travel back in time - for just one week - to change just one thing in your life...what would it be?