I find myself writing this in response to a post by @galenkp again.
And so I lost focus on finishing chapter two of "Perfect" again today.
It's not really my fault entirely. I've found another human who has the curiosity and courage to talk about uncomfortable things (and himself) honestly and so...
I can, maybe, find more knowledge and understanding as well if I engage.
Who could resist?
I don't think anyone really knows wtf is going on, by the way.
Not with the laws of physics themselves actually evolving even as I write this.
Who would say they knew anything for sure at this point?
That's impossible.
Scientifically, as it turns out.
So I reckon it's super important to communicate and learn from each other. And to be courageous enough to disagree at times. And to be open to being disagreed with at times. And to be open to stand being corrected at times.
Of course.
This is how we learn and progress...
Together.
Galekp always seems open to hearing my (often) opinionated opinions. And so did poor @slobberchops yesterday went I went off on a rant about Fakebook (again). Sorry, guy. It's not you. It's me. I loathe them and you said it perfectly.
"Toxic" pretty much says it all.
And you still didn't tell me to shut it! 👏
But, it seems, this community is jam packed with people like this.
I've fallen in love with Hive because of how much more honest people are around here... like this young man... and how authenticity is encouraged on Hive, instead of being cancelled.
Regardless of my opinionated opinions... Galenkp takes the time to chat, share his perspective and to comment on mine despite him seeming to be a bit nervous of me occasionally. And let's face it... who would blame him?
My opinionated opinions and outright bluntness can make it seem like I'm a dick on the odd occasion (and more often than once or even twice).
But I'm not a dick for a couple of reasons and I'll share them with you shortly. And before you wonder how I know he's a little bit cautious of me, I'll let you know that right now.
I'm what some people would call an intuitive.
I can read between the lines to such an degree that it may seem I have some kind of extra sensory something. I can "feel" whether someone is struggling or afraid from quite a decent distance. And almost always by just observing how they're communicating or engaging.
It's nothing existential or supernatural at all.
I'm simply what is commonly referred to as "An Adult Child".
My intuition is super sharp because I was raised in a home (or more than one of them in my case) with adults around me who were traumatized themselves. There was an atmosphere laden with the threat that something might erupt at any time, yet nobody in the environment was willing to address the many elephants in the room.
This made me hyper-vigilant about how other people in my vicinity were feeling, so that I could either avoid or prevent the inevitable explosions that happened occasionally.
Some people have this and call themselves "empaths". It's the same thing but I've personally found that calling it a different name, that's more aligned with the "truth" of why I exhibit this behaviour (or have this ability), has helped me heal more fully. And also to learn to use it more intelligently.
So it's really nothing mysterious at all.
In fact, most of you have this as well. It's called "instinct". We just don't observe it that much anymore. Or listen to it either.
Mine, like many other people's, has been emphasized because of being exposed to multi-generational trauma. I can "sense" how someone is feeling just by reading their texts... or their stories and comments on social media.
I unconsciously "watch" people all of the time because of the same developmental trauma.
On top of this, one of my primary care-givers displayed strong traits of what might be labelled "narcissism'.
But these days I don't like to label anything much.
I think the labels we use tend to define the people instead of the reactions they may be displaying. Narcissistic behaviours would be far more accurate, for example. And we all have some of those too, by the way.
So labeling ourselves, or the people around us, is very limiting.
And it all it does is prevent all of us from learning and progressing much...really.
We all have behaviours, that aren't so admirable, that we've picked up as survival mechanisms when there was nobody or nothing around to teach us a better way of dealing with situations.
This is what Chapter 2 of Perfect is mostly about. Although it's also a pretty concise history of how and why this has happened in the psychiatric industry, so that other people may stop labeling themselves, and others, without much thought as well.
But (of course) being immersed in the chapter's content right now, when I read Galenkp's post today and stopped to say hello... I couldn't not respond to his reply. And then my response became so lengthy I decided to post this because I'm really passionate about this topic.
As you can probably tell by now.
But I'm also multi-tasking, juggling, under pressure to get stuff finished, have a pending Fortnite session with my boy in an hour and a half (and I haven't had time to practice which means I'm about to get my ass kicked...again) and am fuckin' pumped up on caffeine...
because it gives me a kick and I do still enjoy a good kick, like the good "addict" I am.
I'm not an "addict" though. I have addictive behaviours, just the same as any other human being on the planet does. Whether they choose to label themselves as "an addict" or not. And I'm changing my habits one day at a time.
The coffee, however, is useful for such busy days.
And caffeine gives you a nice little hit of Dopamine, by the way! Who doesn't enjoy a good hit of Dopamine on any day of the week?
Of course... juggling all of this while I'm pumped up on caffeine can be disastrous during a form of communication where it's so easy to misunderstand someone. Messaging is a terrible way to attempt a conversation, because of the lack of Meta-communication in these exchanges.
But I can read in between the lines (mostly... I can get wires crossed if I'm triggered and dealing with my own "stuff") and pick up how a person is feeling just by the tone of their writing.
But back to the caffeine and the multi-tasking (which I suck at even when I'm not fueled by a sixth cuppa)...
Or worse...
when I'm dealing with content that triggers the f*ck out of me on top of both of these!
Like the post I published for a topic, that really upsets me on the very deepest level, for the Ladies of Hive prompt last week. Mine was a passionate response to an important topic that I probably would have avoided because it hurts to think about this stuff.
When I'm hurt, it's still easy to react instead of choosing how to respond appropriately.
And despite me knowing full well that it's not only me that picks up feelings behind the tone of a writing voice (because everyone actually does this instinctively but often they aren't aware of it), I still allow my emotions to get the better of me at times.
Sadly... all this does is frighten people off from engaging with content that is already hard for them to engage with. And, more sadly, this always only happens with the content that it is most important for us all to talk or hear about!
So yes.
Absolutely yes!
I can be a total dick at times. 👍
The thing is... I'm not a dick.
I'm rushed and reactive at times. And my behaviour is dick-ish.
And not in the sexy, fun kinda way.
So this is just a short share to say hey... you're awesome!
Please don't label yourselves.
Ever.
Your behaviours are what you're referring to. Not you as the amazing human you are. But you know this already. I'll just keep reminding you if you forget.
And I happen to know, because all of y'all keep telling me it's okay to just be me, that you'll remind me in turn.
So just be yourself.
And don't be behave like a dick.
Of course.
I'll try not to, but you're most welcome to let me know if I need to go and sit outside and drink a few glasses of water.
Because f*ck do I need reminding sometimes.
One final thing though
The folks around here don't seem to mind my occasional vociferousness too much.
My "angry" activist voice was still read, engaged with and even rewarded by the brave Ladies of Hive! Unheard of on mainstream platforms, @hive-124452 ! 👀
I guess when a community throws a topic like this out into the internet of amazing things and asks for personal perspectives, they're also courageous enough to accept what appears on their feed.
More reason to adore Hive.
I tell you something...
If this community really does place "principles before personalities" in full...
If this community really does support each other with a focus on the greater good of the whole, despite our occasional differences or too often opinionated opinions (or outright dick-ish behaviour because, let's face it, we're all only human)...
and if this community really still values a person's contribution towards the greater good and progress despite personal differences or personality clashes...
I'm completely fuckin' sold forever.
And I think you can probably tell by now, if you've been reading some of my stuff, that when I commit to something I'll pretty much fight to the death to preserve it.
So far around here...
I'm only falling more and more in love ❤️
watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”
Lao Tzu
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Hardened Dreamer
Mother
Warrior
Determined Dancer
and Stargazer
still...
Beyond fear is freedom
And there is nothing to be afraid of.
To Life, with Love... and always for Truth!
Nicky Dee
Photo by Olivia Bauso on Unsplash and Photo by Nicola Fioravanti on Unsplash