One thing I've noticed about myself is that the waves of my emotions are very pronounced. I feel things hard. "Sensitive" is what they always called it, and I hated that, because it sounded weak.
Now I see "sensitive" as a kind of superpower. It most certainly is the reason I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, noticing things a lot of other people didn't and getting very frustrated by the fact that I had to live by the terms set by people who couldn't see what I see.
These ups and downs later manifested as what doctors probably would have called bi-polar disorder if I had continued to see doctors, but I told my mother if she took me to another doctor who would try to prescribe away my personality, I would quit high school and run away.
It's a good thing I said that because I learned later that what probably would have been diagnosed as bipolar disorder was actually a very powerful tool that I could learn how to harness...a combination of this sensitivity and pronounced waves.
We all have a rhythm. You can pick out someone on a fast rhythm immediately if they start tapping their leg. People on a fast rhythm talk a lot. They are sociable and sometimes overbearing to people who can't keep up with them.
You can often pick out someone on a slow rhythm too, they tend to be quieter and more reflective. They look at their phone less. They may be introverted because social situations often demand us to match a faster rhythm.
Our rhythm isn't always regular. It can speed up and slow down and change style. As we become more aware of our natural tendencies and get better at steering them, our rhythm becomes more comfortable and fluid. If there is a change of tempo, it matches the previous tempo and there is a comfortable transition.
We can't force people to change their rhythm. We can try to lead them into a jam session by meeting them halfway, or we can make our rhythm so loud that they can't hear theirs anymore. The former is called charisma and the latter can be called manipulation. There is a thin line between the two but it's very distinct in that the former will allow people the chance to hear their own rhythm and decide if they want to jump onboard with you or not.
Because I am sensitive, my camera has it's exposure way up, it can be a little hard for people to follow my rhythm at times, but when they do, they end up seeing and feeling things they don't usually see or feel.
That means I have extra work to do in order to have an influence over my surroundings, but when I can keep my rhythm smooth and comfortable (which I do more and more) and successfully invite others to jam with me, real magic can happen.
There is nothing super special about it, we can all turn our exposure up and become more sensitive, I just come that way by default, and I don't like being dull for too long. It doesn't feel like how I want to be. Sometimes I need a rest, but other than that, I want to be super engaged and aware, in the moment and connected.
I get into a fast rhythm when I am analyzing things. My mind works super fast and I try to find the words to elaborate on difficult topics that I'm digging through. Then I get into a slow rhythm when I am feeling, when I play music, when I listen to others speak from their heart or minds honestly.
I tend to feel comfortable in a fast rhythm (not too fast and not too reckless) when I am in output mode, and in a slow rhythm when I'm in input mode. Knowing when to be in which mode is where my natural charisma lies. We all have a kind of natural charisma if we manage to find it.
I don't seek to be charismatic just because I want people to like me, but I charisma gives us the power to shape the world around us. It feels amazing when we can help other people get out of their shell or become fearless in the face of challenges or to have fun when they weren't having fun before. It feels great when we can help guide people to do what they wanted to do but didn't know how.
For that reason, I aim for charisma. I don't need to be liked. It feels good, but not nearly as good as creating a nice rhythm around you that other people feel good in, and in the end, you'll be liked anyway.
Part of the challenge of achieving this is giving ourselves enough space to hear our own rhythm and to understand it better. We often fall into patterns which drown out our own rhythm and amplify sounds that we don't actually resonate with.
Obviously none of this can be forced, sometimes the most charismatic thing we can do is shut up and listen. Sometimes there is no way to create the exact atmosphere we want to create, we have to work with the elements in front of us, the individuals we meet and the situations we find ourselves in.
Charisma is, in fact, just an outward expression of something much deeper and more important, balancing the heart and the mind, in order to create a comfortable rhythm. People are naturally attracted to that. We ourselves are naturally attracted to it. It's the version of ourselves that we always seek to be.
If you are interested in blogging here and earning some change while sharing ideas and making friends, send me a message on Instagram or Twitter (@ ipluseverything)
ブログで自分の思っていることをシェアしながら小銭を溜まったり新しい友達をできたりすることは興味あれば、InstagramやTwitter（@ipluseverything）でメッセージを送ってください。 英語のオンラインレッスンの興味ある人もどうぞ、メッセージをください_
Novels/music/merch/social media/patreon:
https://linktr.ee/selfhelp4trolls
Untangled Knots podcast:
Japanese Upbringing Explained (interview my Japanese student)
Confessions of the Damaged 1.1-1.3 on Amazon
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