Creative Nonfiction: When the heart is not enough (Spn/ Eng)


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When the heart is not enough

I woke up with a pasty, dry mouth, as if I had eaten sand. I didn't want to open my eyes and I wished that everything I was living was a nightmare: but I opened them, it was 3 a.m. and I was in a corner, sitting on the dirty floor of a hospital. I had been there for more than two days. My head hurt, my back hurt, my eyes hurt, my neck hurt, but my heart hurt the most: my dad was in intensive care.

Doctors came in and out of the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) and only stopped if a family member asked about one of the patients. My sisters and I stayed 24 hours a day in front of the ward, in case the doctors called us or if they needed medicine. In Venezuelan hospitals, since there are no supplies, the patient's family members must look for the medicines or whatever is needed to cure the patient.

A little before five o'clock in the morning, a very young doctor came out and asked: "Mr. Julio Brito's relatives?". My sisters and I stood up and ran to the doctor. In a cold and blunt manner, the doctor stated:

──"Mr. Julio has had five consecutive heart attacks. We have resuscitated him each time; however, he has suffered severe brain damage. The next few hours are crucial."


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Pixabay

By a strange circumstance I became deaf and although the doctor kept talking, I could not hear anything: I could only hear the accelerated beating of my heart in my ears.

Those words pierced my chest like glass. I felt my body go limp and I went back to my corner on the floor and put my head between my legs: I had a great desire to cry and I cried like a little girl. Inside me I kept repeating: "Mercy, God, mercy. Don't take my daddy away, please. Don't take him away," I said, hoping that my words would reach heaven.

After a while my mom arrived and no one would or could tell her the critical state my dad was in. She had brought food because we had not eaten for hours. I said I didn't want to, but she put a plate in my hands. I remember it was rice with chicken. Not knowing what to do with the food, I began to arrange the rice from one side to the other, then I made a little mountain with the chicken:

──Eat, daughter! -Soon he will recover and come home with us. So eat," she ordered again, and I stuffed a mouthful of food into my mouth to keep from crying. The mountain of food fell apart, as my soul was falling apart.


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Pixabay

Within the hour, the doctor came out again. His youth and lack of tact with our pain was lacerating:

──At this moment, Mr. Julio's situation is one of total unconsciousness: he responds to nothing. Only his heart is still alive. We must wait. If you want, come in and talk to him.

With the idea that we had the strength to cure him, we went in to see him. When it was my turn, I approached him and in his ear I asked him to get up from that bed, to keep fighting, not to leave us alone, that we were waiting for him. I touched his chest and his heart was beating, but a machine attached to it measured the fragility of his life: it was as if a wounded bird was locked in his chest.

A day after that, my father was declared dead. After that, I have sometimes dreamed of my father. In my dreams, my father does not know that he is dead. I do know, but I don't tell him anything. I just lie on his chest and listen to his heart beat, low, slow, as if he were taking a nap. Then I lie still so as not to wake him up and so as not to wake myself up.

All images are free, public domain and the text is highly translated in Deepl.

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UNTIL A FUTURE STORY, FRIENDS


![Click here to read in spanish]
Cuando el corazón no es suficiente
Me desperté con la boca pastosa, reseca, como si hubiese comido arena. No quería abrir los ojos y deseaba que todo lo que estaba viviendo fuera una pesadilla: pero los abrí, eran las 3 de la madrugada y estaba en una esquina, sentada en el piso sucio de un hospital. Tenía más de dos días allí. Me dolía la cabeza, la espalda, los ojos, el cuello, pero más me dolía el corazón: mi papá estaba en terapia intensiva.
Los doctores entraban y salían de la Unidad de Cuidados Intensivos (U.C.I.) y solo se detenían si algún familiar preguntaba por alguno de los enfermos. Mis hermanas y yo permanecíamos las 24 horas frente al recinto, por si los doctores nos llamaban o necesitaban un medicamento. En los hospitales de Venezuela, como no hay insumos, los familiares del enfermo deben buscar las medicinas o lo que se necesite para curar al paciente.
Un poco antes de las cinco de la mañana, salió un doctor sumamente joven y preguntó: ¿Familiares del señor Julio Brito? Mis hermanas y yo nos pusimos de pie y corrimos hacia donde estaba el médico. De manera fría y tajante, el médico afirmó:
───“El señor Julio ha tenido cinco infartos consecutivos. Lo hemos reanimado cada vez; sin embargo, ha sufrido un grave daño cerebral. Las siguientes horas son cruciales.”
Por una extraña circunstancia quedé sorda y aunque el médico seguía hablando, no lograba escuchar nada: solo escuchaba los latidos acelerados de mi corazón en mis oídos.

Aquellas palabras me atravesaron el pecho como un vidrio. Sentí que mi cuerpo se puso flojo y volví a mi rincón, en el piso, y metí la cabeza entre mis piernas: tenía unas enormes ganas de llorar y lloré como una niña. Dentro de mí repetía: “Misericordia, Dios, misericordia. No te lleves a mi papá, por favor. No te lo lleves”, dije con la esperanza de que mis palabras llegaran al cielo.
Al rato llegó mi mamá y nadie quiso ni pudo decirle el estado crítico en el que estaba mi papá. Ella había traído comida porque teníamos horas sin probar alimento. Yo dije que no quería, pero me puso un plato entre las manos. Recuerdo que era arroz con pollo. Sin saber qué hacer con la comida, empecé a acomodar de un lado a otro el arroz, luego hice una montañita con el pollo:
───¡Come, hija! –ordenó mi mamá- Pronto él se va a recuperar y volverá a casa con nosotras. Así que come –volvió a ordenar y yo metí un bocado de comida en mi boca para no llorar. La montaña de comida se deshizo, como se deshacía mi alma.
A la hora, salió nuevamente el médico. Su juventud y falta de tacto con nuestro dolor era lacerante:
───En este momento, la situación del señor Julio es de una inconsciencia total: no responde a nada. Solo su corazón sigue vivo. Debemos esperar. Si quieren, pasen y háblenle.
Con la idea de que teníamos la fuerza para curarlo, entramos a verlo. Cuando fue mi turno, me acerqué a él y en su oído le pedí que se parara de aquella cama, que siguiera luchando, que no nos dejara sola, que lo estábamos esperando. Le toqué el pecho y su corazón latía, pero una máquina conectada a él medía la fragilidad de su vida: era como si un pájaro herido estuviera encerrado en su pecho.
Un día después de eso, mi padre fue declarado muerto. Después, algunas veces he soñado con mi padre. En mis sueños, mi padre no sabe que está muerto. Yo sí sé, pero no le digo nada. Solo me recuesto en su pecho y escucho que su corazón late, bajito, lento, como si estuviera tomando una siesta. Entonces yo me quedo quieta como para no despertarlo y para no despertarme.























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