I wanna start off this article with some honesty. I'm someone who thinks of myself as an overall nice guy, but I can't help but admit the fact that there are times when I am the absolute worst person to be around.

Even if I usually try to be polite and be kind, it sometimes feels so much better being a total jerk and just spreading your hate and apathy everywhere and to everyone. I know, that's just horrible.

I didn't know why this happens and why am I not able to control myself from acting this way whenever I do, so I did a little research and found out the science behind this behaviour and turns out, it makes a lot of sense.

Moral Licensing

One of the main reasons nice people can act so selfish sometimes is because they may think that since they have been so good and well-behaved in the past, it should justify some of their ill-actions and irrational behaviours.

This is called moral licensing. In easy words, it's when you believe that the good deeds you did in the past have already made an impact positive enough that it should compensate for some of your bad deeds.

Funny thing is, pretty much all of us do this without actually realizing it. Though, we often do it in the form of self-rewarding like buying ourselves new stuff or buying a fancy dinner after saving quite a bit, instead of harming others.

Moral Cleansing, however, is the opposite of moral licensing. It's when you think that you don't particularly come off as a nice person and start to do good deeds in order to make yourself feel better or be seen as a moral and nicer person by other people.

Being Evil As A Defense Mechanism

Another interesting reason nice people can be surprisingly rude and arrogant sometimes is because they may see being nice as a weakness and may need to feel strong again by acting irrationally aggressive.

This is something I tried doing back in high school, but to my surprise, it backfired hard. It might bring temporary relief and make you feel strong for a moment, but with time, you start treating yourself the same shitty way you treat others.

The reason why insecure teens often seem to adopt this technique is because they see how alpha the bullies are and how they are never made fun of, which makes them think that being feared by others can be used as a defense mechanism to cope with their own anxiety.

Sadly, it is only after they have done the damage of using this technique do they realize how harmful and dangerous it really is. Held on for long enough, it starts to steal you of your own personality and makes you feel horrible for doing things that you normally wouldn't do.

I think the best way to counter this urge to want to feel powerful, is to share how weak you feel. I know the reason why teens usually don't share their insecurities is because they feel like they won't be understood, but the thing is, as soon as you put words to your feelings, they become real.

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Continue reading:

Why Do Nice People Act So Evil Sometimes?

Moral Licensing

Being Evil As A Defense Mechanism

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