The human desire to be liked and accepted by others, is one of the greatest enslavers of modern time.
Invisible bars, though.
Consider how many principles are not pursued, and visions are not voiced, for fear of rejection from a particular clan or tribe.
Oonga oonga. We walk upright now.
We won't necessarily starve, or be excommunicated, for wanting something different from the pack.
And if starvation or excommunication is truly a possibility, is that really the kind of pack you can best flourish in, anyway?
We can exercise far more autonomy and independence, than we typically do.
But the ties -- whichever kind of tie it may be -- the ties that bind us are STRONG, like:
- emotional ties;
- psychological ties;
- familial ties;
- religious ties;
- marital ties;
- military ties;
- traditional ties;
- cultural ties;
- athletic ties;
- competitive ties;
- romantic ties;
- spiritual ties;
- sexual ties;
- financial ties;
- professional ties;
- political ties;
- ideological ties; and
- _______________ ties (please add any that I missed in the comments).
That is a lot of webbing.
Unchecked, you can get ensnared in the stickiness of trying to keep others happy, and un-disappointed.
Even more so, if you are a highly sensitive or empathic person, because it's easy to confound someone else's emotional state, with your own.
TIP: Everything you feel, is not your feeling! Ambient feelings are everywhere. The more stressed and populated an area, the edgier the ambience. The more relaxed and remote an area, the smoother the ambience.
So it's good to regularly sift through that webbing, and treat it like a social hygiene.
Examine each sticky line. Ask yourself if it gives you enough value, to justify its restriction of your movement (as all ties do)?
Do this sifting not to be an asshole. But to be aligned. With your own agenda.
The world will ALWAYS have ideas of how we should spend our greatest currencies -- which are (perceived) Time/Minutes, and Attention/Focus.
When I grasped HOW REFLECTIVE MY MIND IS -- when I started experiencing it as the Womb of Everything -- I couldn't help but guard it as the Generator that it is. It deserves more watchful care than it typically receives. Hence, so many miscreations. But plenty of sweet, life-changing manifestations, too.
To be SINCERE is to be free from pretense or deceit; proceeding from genuine feelings.
This is the only way I want to deal with others.
More and more, I'm having very honest encounters, like the following note sent to a friend, who gave me permission to publicly share it, without their identity.
This person had checked to see if an online meeting with me the next day would be possible, and this was my reply:
______________, thank you, beautiful soul, for this chance to practice an epiphany I was gifted by precious peyote… Social.Honesty.
It is confessional.
I don’t know why -- because I so very much love talking with you -- but I am lacking zeal about this ________________.
When I explored why, I found two possibilities:
(1) It feels like scope-creep. What was originally intended to be _______________, has already 10X’d lol, and we’re still going for more! That wouldn’t be a problem, except for the fact that I’m not feeling hospitable at the moment.
Is it okay to be this granularly honest? I hope so, because it’s part of my medicine. I’ll elaborate on my inhospitality in #2! 🙂
(2) My peyote honeymoon has not ended. I am in a super special sublime space, and ::GULP:: I don’t want to make room for anything that’s Not This, right now… I don’t want to disturb my Sweet Lunar, to host/attend a ____________ that I don’t fully feel the purpose of.
Too far, too much?
I love you. Which is why I even dared. ❤
Immediately after I sent that, the only thing I could hear
both inside and outside of my head was: bitch!Bitch!!BITCH!!!
Self-doubt tried to engulf me (recovering people-pleaser),
even though I hadn't said one unkind thing!
Where did all the social fragility come from? How and why did honesty become mistaken for rudeness, harshness, coldness, cruelty, BEING A BAD THING???
That is a perversion.
It's perverse to feel guilty about telling the truth.
It's perverse to feel okay about lying as a lifestyle.
To create and share sincere communication that can
actually move relationships and projects forward:
Sit with the part of your message that feels the HARDEST to say. In my experience, there is proportion between how difficult or dreadful a thing is to say, and how liberated you and the circumstance will be, once it is said. In kindness, of course.
What is the medicine in the venom? Answering this question is meditative/imaginative work. There is always an answer to this question. As the answer reveals itself to you, it converts the venom to nectar that reveals the most agreeable possibility for all.
Show some belly. Risk some vulnerability. As you speak or write, INCLUDE a little of what you most fear showing. That makes what you're saying irresistibly human and relatable.
Expressing yourself sincerely makes it easier for others to know and respect you. Your messages -- both personal and professional -- will be perceived and received as clear, consistent and resonant.
People will be both repelled by your sincere expression, and also attracted to it. Those impulses are organic networking, which is effortless, visceral, and voluntary.
Oh, and the person on the receiving end of my note, and I, have just as much affection for each other as we did the day prior. Moreso, probably, because our connection has proven to be a mature one, that allows for our real/sincere self.