Bear

You love the evvy bears eh?

Guttered a thickly accented voice behind me.

I froze, my sphincter reflexively slamming shut against unauthorised intrusion.

What in the name of banjano, did someone just ask me if I like heavy bears?! Shit!

I looked over my shoulder. Lurking just behind me was the huge bearded chap from the till. I could make out a glistening pink mouth under that beard no doubt wet from imagining me naked and covered in jam.

It was certainly the last thing I had expected when I popped into the beer shop at lunchtime to find some exotic jazzy beers for my Saturday beer post.

The day had been flying by and being a Friday I had the weekend vibe going on. What better time to choose some funky beer magic to drink at the weekend I had thought.

So I had dived up to the cool beer shop that is not too far from my work. It was deserted apart from the big bearded man standing at the till. As I came in, he gave a friendly nod.

Eyop lad!

I nodded cheerily at him despite not having a fucking clue what he had just said.

Mere moments later I was lost in browsing some of the truly exotic and strange beers that they have in the shop. I had just picked up a strong, dark, coffee porter when he had materialised behind me with his gruff voice demanding that I love heavy bears.

Hahah ah!

I exclaimed. Not knowing if he really was about to polish me with his penis.

I clutched the coffee porter bottle tighter. It could serve as an ample weapon.

We can't even fit all the bears in! Eh!

Said Bear-man.

Holy shit. How many bears were there?

I looked around the shop in some alarm but it still seemed deserted.

Bear-man had noted my wild swinging of the head.

The other bears are oop the back. Eh.

Are they! Ha!

I exclaimed with a crazed air.

In my head I was already weeping for the sanctity of my pretty buttocks.

Bear-man tilted his head to the side.

You wanna come and see?

I swooned. Well, I didn't but I almost did. This was it. I was going to be taken up the back and used like an old rag. I could almost hear my old mum squawking - This is where all those fancy beers lead you!

Bear-man waved an arm impatiently toward the back.

I looked where he pointed. Even my eyes were reluctant. Then I saw it. An alcove right up the back of the shop behind a half drawn curtain.

I gasped slightly at the sight.

Row upon row of beers I had never seen before on shelves at the back.

I looked at Bear-man.

BEERS!!! You mean BEERS!!!

Bear-man looked puzzled.

Aye, what did you think ah meant?

I gave him a playful nudge in the arm.

Hoho! Never you mind what I thought cheekychops!

I headed up the back to see the bears.