My work is banishing me to Edinburgh next week to help set up the new offices. There has been all manner of hints that it is an illustrious job and that the chosen few who are going are champions of steel and flame.
Rubbish.
The chosen few are poor buggers who have found themselves on someone's shitlist and have been banished to teach them a lesson.
Perhaps my continual loud mocking of El Jefe for his flared brown trousers has come back to bite me on the chuff...?
Whether it be the mocking of the Flarey brown troosers or not, it's Edinburgh bound for me.
My work likes to pay us on a couple of days after the start of each month. Which is well after I start my Edinburgh sojourn. As a result, I decided to tap them up in advance for some expenses.
Which meant tackling the feared and loathsome finance department. Kind of like facing a Balrog in Dungeons and Dragons.
I approached them today. And I might be accused of paraphrasing here but it went a little something like this...
Oh and beware... For the faint of heart, it's a bit sweary.
meesterboom enters the office of the damned, i.e the finance dude (FO) in charge of expenses.
Me: Right, fucker, where is my motherfucking money?
FO: Now, who you calling a fucker, motherfucker?
Me: I'm calling you a fucker, motherfucker. Now, where is my motherfucking money?
FO: What motherfucking money? How dare you come in here demanding motherfucking money like your name is Jeffrey and you just came slithering out of my ass?
Me: My money to get me to Edinburgh motherfucker? Now, where is it?
FO: Have you been already? No? Then fuck off, motherfucker.
Me: I haven't been yet because I haven't got the motherfucking money to go, motherfucker!
FO: Well you're not getting the money till you fucking go, motherfucker!
Me: Then I AINT GOING! MOTHERFUCKER!
FO: Oh, ok. Right. You win. You can have it just this once.
And that, is more or less the illustrious story of how I came to receive my expenses before I actually made my jolly way to Edinburgh.
Motherfuckers!!
Authors note, there may have been a little less swearing than depicted above.