Let me start this post by showing to you a poem which I call "Philophobia".
I hope you like it!
For years, you have always been by my side
Hanging around whether I laughed or cried
You were always there; ready to offer
Your listening ears and your warm shoulder
You are indeed full of interesting surprises
With you, I don't need any disguises
I can be myself without hiding anything
Accepting me without questions is just one thing
The distance and time difference between us changed
But never, even once were we estranged
You made the day night, and the night day
All so you could be with me though we're far away
I appreciate every little thing you do
If only I can allow myself to fall for you
But I'm scared to waste the relationship we have now
When we move further, but don't work out somehow
So, I'd stay as I am and I hope you do, too
Let's try not to make this feeling grow
Because I don't ever want to be strangers with you
You're too precious; I know I'm being selfish, but what can I do?
@tegoshei
One day, I just realized that loving the guy I used to love has only become a habit. I have kept the affection with me for the past years that I thought it will definitely work out in the future. I was kind of focused on that person that I didn't have enough time to appreciate someone who has always been there.
Now that I have freed myself from that habit, I was able to appreciate others who were just there. There's this person who I usually vent out everything to... he was just there, waiting. And I was the same... waiting for that other person. LOL Ironic, isn't it? And funny that I was blinded the whole time because I was just too focused on that one person who I thought I loved this whole time. hahaha
But really, I want to focus on myself and my dreams now. I don't want to be swayed by anything. The denial which lasted for years, I left it when 2018 ended. Despite that... I still don't want to move further into a relationship. One, is because it's scary... and another is because, I want to love myself and my dreams.
I know, I'm not getting any younger and the pressure from people around me is real, but I don't really want to give in. haha Let me enjoy my life the way I wanted it... I want to enjoy the current relationships I have with people around me. And who knows, things might change. (_)/