"You're draining my energy", he said.
He said it in a caring-ish, slightly judgmental and very personally empowered way. Wisely setting protective energy boundaries for himself. Or so he thought.
"They're draining me!" We hear it often. From all sorts of people, but particularly from massage therapists, yoga teachers, meditation 'masters', teachers, nurses and energy 'healers'. And it's obvious. Clearly the person in need and asking for "too much" is the problem. That's right, isn't it?
Energy is limitless. It is all around us, in our breath, the earth, the wind, the rain, in sunshine, in smiles, in us.
Energy can never be lost. It simply changes form. In fact, we ARE energy.
Where did this idea come from that energy is a finite limited resource? Because the very moment we judge and blame the other for supposedly draining us, we publicly & vocally subscribe to the belief that energy is limited, and that we don't have enough. Certainly not enough to share. We also start manifesting that which we believe. There's not enough to go around. And thus we begin a cycle of shifting responsibility for ourselves and our own energetic refilling into blame of the other. And we start manifesting our belief, and feel depleted. Which only strengthens the dynamic.
Each of us is responsible for our own energy. It's a choice we make to re-fill and in-fill. Every. Single. Day. We enhance our energy levels by great sleep, by our food and nutrition choices, by choosing green natural places to live instead of dense urban concrete, by spending our days in productive and joyful work, by feeding our passions, by creating and expressing, by embracing the natural cycles, by times of stillness and withdrawal, and by connecting with others. But when we choose to connect only with those who boost our energy every time, we ourselves, in fact, have become the energy drain. The consumer. The taker.
So why does it really feel that some people are using your energy? Because sometimes they are. For whatever reason, they are off balance and have chosen you to lean on, to confide in, to unburden to. They draw on your energy. Consider it a gesture of trust at best, or perhaps simply a karmic connection playing out. So what makes people feel off balance, heavy and needing to absorb a little of our energy?
- They may have just received a devastating health diagnosis that they can't admit or share
- They may be exhausted single parents
- They may be in chronic pain
- They may be entrepreneurs teetering unsteadily at the very edge of their skill set
- They may have deep existential questions that they can't even articulate
- They may have severe financial stress
- They may be birthing a project or idea that is complex and overwhelming
- They may feel vulnerable and judged by others
- They may be struggling with putting down some feisty personal demons
- They may simply work alone most of the time and have no one to bounce or troubleshoot with on a practical level
It could be any one of these, or a thousand other reasons. Sweet Goddess forbid that it could be all of them! But hey, life and overwhelm happen.
The most important thing? These seasons and times of need pass.
Conscious community is all about energy. Not about withholding it and hoarding it so we don't run out, but about giving it in a myriad of ways to others that we might ALL rise, grow and evolve. It's also about asking when we need, and feeling safe and supported that our need will be met. In that place of acceptance and being energized, we relax and everything is better.
"The Celestine Prophecy" (James Redfield) had something very special to say about people who appear over and over again in our orbit. They are our teachers. When someone repeatedly asks for your attention and energy, often there is more at play than we think. Mothers "get" this. The child who repeatedly asks questions, needs shoelaces tied, breaks things, drops things, gets sick... whatever... is asking for what cannot be articulated. Connection. Total attention and time. Redfield talks about the practice of GIVING ENERGY freely and deliberately in these situations, so that what is deep and necessary comes forth. We moms know this. We BREATHE and pull the naughty offending child into our embrace and turn everything else off. And we listen and wait. Are we depleted by this? Actually no. Au contraire. WE are enriched. The choice to put love of the other first ALWAYS has an infilling which is greater and more abundant than what was expended. There is ALWAYS learning and growth. There is always more love and gratitude.
What happens to the naughty child who is ignored, rebuffed or pushed away? Yup. Naughtier. And the parent more frazzled and off-balance.
What happens if you tell someone they're draining you? Will you be in-filled and replenished? Errr... no. Maybe that person will avoid you and never ask or bother you again. But your belief in the finite nature of energy will have been reinforced and you will be doomed to repeat the scenario again and again and again.
A conscious community where people own their responsibility to fill themselves up ALWAYS has time and space for the vulnerable, the sick, the dying, the displaced and dispossessed. There is always safety and people feel it's OK to be vulnerable and draw on others sometimes when they need. The fact that someone draws on your energy is actually a hallmark of community. Your withdrawing from that equation negates all that could be possible.
If someone comes to you and you feel overwhelmed and like they're draining you, how might you respond other than rebuffing them and closing them down?
- Hug them and CHOOSE in your heart during that embrace to open the floodgates for in-filling and energy replacement from Source. Be amazed by the joy and energy you are rewarded with long after they have walked away.
- Let them feel seen and heard and schedule a time for them later
- Breathe into your own tight place of feeling depleted and deprived and OPEN yourself to the energy which is everywhere
- Make a conscious choice to make some of your own lifestyle changes so you in-fill more often and never have to feel like there's not enough to go around.
There is no greater or higher task in this world than the journey of growing into love. It is the only thing we live for, and the only thing we will be worrying about as we die. And the only thing which transcends us. Love isn't strengthened or tested by the easy lover whose eyes we gaze into, or the like-minded bro who endorses and reinforces every already-strong part of us. Love is tested, strengthened, purified and grows when we are called to show it for the difficult ones. The dying. Our sick children. The displaced. The needy. The annoying neighbour. The ones who we feel "drain our energy". When we can be expansive in those situations, we all grow and consciousness expands and evolves.
When you feel like someone is draining you, thank them. On your knees. For showing you YOUR disconnection from Source. For reminding you that there is ALWAYS energy here to draw on, to breathe in, to flow with, and to share.
We are all just walking each other home.
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