Comparing yourself to others is a fruitless endeavor and should be avoided at all costs
The act of measuring your circumstances against another person is a superficial way of either boosting your ego or deflating your self-esteem. It's an easy trap to fall into, one that will almost certainly create a false sense of superiority or inferiority.
We hear about a friend or family member receiving a promotion at work or getting a job that pays them a substantial amount of money and immediately think about our predicament and wallow in the fact that we aren't where we want to be. Instead of feeling happy for someone close to us, we envy their gains, believing we should have more than we do.
It's a self-destructive act, one that sets us up to inevitably feel like shit. We look to a narrow set of factors, usually using an incomplete set of variables, as a way to measure ourselves against someone else's situation. Whether it's a relationship, a financial situation, a career, or any other important factor, comparing our situation with someone else is almost always a recipe for self-loathing.
Why do we do it?
Our minds look for reference points to gauge where we are in life. A primary method of doing this involves looking to others to see where we 'should' be or could be. In striving to improve ourselves, we may view the successes of others as a motivating factor to get better, to inspire us to reach further.
Unfortunately, this often ends with a feeling of disempowerment or discouragement, as we look at the successes of others as an indictment of our current situation. It's another sophisticated way of feeling sorry for ourselves and believing we aren't good enough or don't have enough.
The rise of social media has only heightened our ability to view others' lives as being better than ours, as individuals tend to share only the best parts of themselves, further distorting our view of another's situation. If you want to fuel your own misery, go on Facebook or Instagram and you'll have an abundant supply of material to use against yourself.
Focus on your life without contrasting it with your peers
When we compare our situation to another's, we waste our energy on things out of our control. There's no better way to disempower yourself than to spend most of your time wishing you could have what someone else has. Basing your happiness on external factors is always a recipe for an unsustainable level of satisfaction.
Instead of wasting time thinking about those in your life that have it 'better' than you, focus on the things that you actually have a measurable amount of influence over. Time spent pondering the successes of others can be used to engage in uplifting activities, whether it be meditation, yoga, exercise, or an act of creation.
Our minds are often expert in the way of reminding us of how incompetent we are. Override this tendency by constantly doing things that improve your circumstances, giving yourself a tangible retort to the relentless itty-bitty-shitty-committee that wants to derail your mindset.
Gratitude is the ultimate antidote to envy
Another fantastic strategy to overcome the urge to compare ourselves is to focus on the things in our life that we are grateful for. No matter how bleak things may appear, there is almost always something we can find to appreciate and give thanks for. If you genuinely feel gratitude, it's practically impossible to feel envious in the same moment.
It's also important to reduce our desire to compare ourselves as a way of feeling better about our circumstances. The act of looking down on another person is a false and unsustainable way of improving our mood. It may give us a temporary ego-boost, but if it's based on feeling superior it will eventually shatter once certain factors change. It's also destructive to derive our sense of happiness by comparing ourselves to the misery of another.
If you find yourself in a comparison mindset, shift it towards an appreciation mindset. Remember that energy spent comparing is energy that could be used towards actually improving your situation.
You're exactly where you need to be, regardless of where you think you should be.
All uncredited pictures from pixabay.com or my personal account
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