Before today, the previous time I was outside my apartment, was last Saturday. Yep, that is five days ago, and no, it’s not normal but it’s very familiar to me.
I spend an insane amount of time home alone, and as long as I have food, I’m pretty much alright with it. I am very good at entertaining myself and I don’t much need the regular company of other people. I do enjoy the conversations and connections via internet, but real life contacts are harder for me.
Leaving my home is a task for me, not a pleasure. It takes a lot of time, energy and mental preparation for me to actually step outside. I need to psyche myself up with words of encouragements, put on war paint and an armour before I can head out and feel somewhat ready for it. I think this is why I come across quite hard to approach and stuck up to people that don’t know me, when in all actuality, I’m a total softie. You better not use that against me or I will cut you!
I know most of it is inside my head, and I’m not scared of the world, I just don’t really like it. I know I need to go outside more, it’s healthy for the brain, but I just can’t bring myself to do it every day, it’s too draining. In the summertime it’s quite different, I spend a lot more time outside, though majority of it is still spend alone, sunbathing, swimming, walking and photographing.
Todays armour is a good one, because it’s finally leather jacket weather! It’s my safety blanket. I went to have lunch with a friend, which was my idea, and them do some grocery shopping, my end-of-the-world food stash was running low. Now I’m safely back at home and patting myself in the back for making it.
Ps. @stackin are you proud of me for having on a pair of jeans that don’t have holes in them? You better be!