ULOG: Thoughts on Having a Girlfriend

I grew up around people who loved cars.

Friends, not family.

Close enough to where I have been a part of car culture and understand it.

Not close enough to where it feels like an art that is mine.

sunset-2617391_1920.jpgImage by StockSnap from Pixabay

One comment that was said about cars was that they were like having a girlfriend.

I never understood what they were talking about.

Now that I own a home, I get it.

And I finally understand why men buy us trinkets and flowers. I keep going to the store and seeing trinkets and flowers that I want for my girlfriend.

I was really sad the other day when I saw a roach, and even more sad that I had to call an exterminator.

I didn't want my girlfriend having bugs, and I did not want to lace her with poison. I anxiously watched as exterminator juice was laid all over her. "Don't worry ma'am, you don't have much of a problem, this is just a precaution."

But he didn't understand.

couple-407139_1920.jpgImage by SplitShire from Pixabay

He doesn't love her.

I do.

It took a lot out of me to correct him when he called her a Condo Conversion. She most definitely is NOT a conversion. She was always meant to be a condo. Its not that I fully understand the difference between condo's and condo conversions, it was the way he said it, with a mouth that didn't have a smile for my home.

I want to clean her with my steamer. I want to buy her windows. I feel sad when her dryer screeches. I keep redesigning the laundry closet in my imagination. I think of the closet organizers that would jazz her up and wonder about the best carpeting solutions that need to happen sooner than later.

I scrub and I rub, and I mix essential oil cleaners...

And get sad about exterminators.

And keep buying attachments to my vacuum, and clean hepa-filter bags, and all this little stuff.

Now I see why renters can go out to eat more than homeowners.

Just today I spent what would have been dinner and a trip to the movies... on a hose for a vacuum.

Who am I?

So yeah. I think I know what its like to have a girlfriend now, and want to buy her pretty things, and take her to nice places. I know what its like to want to stay home to spend time with her, and I laugh and giggle with her when I laugh at her previous owners who obviously didn't lover her the way I do.

Please note that I am a Gemini and that an equal part of me is thinking: "FUCK! This shit suuuucks. Its so fucking expensive. Gaaaaah"

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