Hello Folks!
It still astonishes me on the level of honesty and confidence that I usually demonstrate especially on my personal posts. You guys have seen me struggle to perform the sun salutation, be bothered by people who seem to judge me for watching cartoons and, be furiously angry on the creature who had uploaded child pornography. The truth is, I have never been this confident or assured in my entire life and so today, because I do not have any date or special celebration for Valentine's Day, I have decided to celebrate me and my self love.
Let me share to you the hurdles that I have to overcome in order to love and accept me:
Herd Mentality
I live in a society where our relationship in a group (in this case, society) is very important. Which is why growing up, I would be more concerned on what others would think rather than what comforts me. Herd mentality for me is not simply conforming to the normal norms of the group but it would even extend to things like this:
You're not allowed to talk back or argue or reason with anyone older or anyone in authority even when you're right.
You're expected to be meek and subjective to anyone who teaches you even if that person is power playing.
Whatever is the latest fad or fashion, you have to adapt it no matter how uncomfortable that may seem in order to be accepted!
I could go on and on folks!
Expectations
Just like in any other society, there is a predetermined set of expectations for everyone here. For me when I was a little child, it was to graduate with honors in elementary, not to have any romantic relationship in high school and enter a prestigious university or institution in college.
It had always been ingrained in me when I was growing up that if I do not meet those expectations, I will never succeed in life.
I was also expected to find a husband preferably with better financial and social status than my family and raise kids. In fact, marriage in my country sometimes seem to be "mild sugaring." As long as that person has money and position even if he's old, debilitated or a widower with kids, all that would be accepted as long as there's money and position.
There's also the general concept that when you turn in your early thirties, you should be married and be starting a family. A career no matter how successful it might be will never count as an achievement.
Communication
Needless to say that growing up, my communication skills were basically utilized to agree to anything the figure of authority will say. It was not even allowed to ask questions because, it would imply that I am stupid or seeking attention. It was not allowed to verbalize my own opinion especially if its contrary to the norms.
If I have an opinion contrary to the rest of the group like, my question how did god came to be, I would immediately be hushed up or be labeled as someone who had been heavily influenced by the books or movies I consume.
Getting on with life
Unfortunately, all these opinions while they might have crushed some, did the opposite to me. I started detaching and moving on as soon as I was able to read and comprehend very well in English. I started reading more books- not just love stories or entertaining pieces but things like philosophy and religion.I started watching documentaries on TV and begun taking interest in the international arena. I have come to love passionately history, art, politics, literature, classical and contemporary music.
From all my exposures, I've learned to accept all my weaknesses and strengths. I've learned to value the opinion of pertinent people and ignore celebrity endorsers especially those who does not seem to form an honest opinion on things.I begun appreciating people not based on their backgrounds but on their character and quality of work they present. I started expressing my thoughts more openly and was able to navigate through discussions with people with opposite opinions.
I've learned that self love does not basically denote selfishness or narcissism but in its positive form, may simply mean honesty, respect and self acceptance.
I have come a long way from that girl who felt that every aspect of her life is dictated by the norms of society. Yes. I am not always viewed at a positive light but I simply don't care. I am the one who would lead a happy, fulfilling and honest life while they will just be in the sidelines watching me perhaps even occasionally changing colors from red to green!
