Why Am I Not On My Way To My EcoVillage - @ecotrain's Qestion Of Th...

According to ancient Egyptian tradition, when someone died they were judged by Anubis before they could enter the afterlife. They had to stand before the jackal-headed god of the dead, who would place their heart on a scale. It was weighed against the truth, represented by an ostrich feather. If the heart was heavier than the feather, the soul would not be admitted into the realm of the dead, and was cursed to be eaten by the crocodile-headed Ammit.

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Submitting Myself to Judgement

I don't believe in judgement after death, in the same way that I can't accept the concept of a heaven or hell waiting for us after we die. Instead, I believe each of us lives in our personal heaven and/or hell, right here in this present. And thus I think we are being judged every single for our actions and inactions... by none other than ourselves. In all honesty, who would be a better judge anyway? Sometimes this happens quietly in the back of our thoughts, other times it comes out right in the open. Today I find myself in the latter situation.

I have to admit, when I saw @ecotrain's most recent question of the week, my first reaction was to opt out of it this time. Because this week's QOTW goes right to the bottom of the matter: What is stopping you from moving to the ecoVillage of tomorrow? After discussing the three most important things about an ecovillage and an example of a typical / perfect day in an ecovillage in the previous QOTWs, this time I have to face the judge in the mirror, probably the only one who can see through any BS and excuses, and answer to him truthfully: really, what is it that keeps me from moving into the village of my dreams? This may actually be the hardest part. Compared to that, inviting my followers on Steem, particularly other @ecotrain passengers, to the trial, is no big deal. So I may as well post my answer here.

Looking at Villages from the Outside, Then Experiencing Them from the Inside

The idea of living in a commune, an intentional community, or an ecovillage is nothing new for me. Ever since I was a teen I'd been fascinated by communal living, where you could on one hand make your own rules to live by, on the other hand have a community of like-minded individuals around you, to support and share the same experience with.

Starting With Theoretical Ideas

At first I read, pondered, and mostly talked about this with others who had a similar vision of a new type of society. Looking back at all this theorizing, I now realize that it was mostly a lucid pipe-dream. Many facets of it sounded great, such as weaving the stories of each member into a great tapestry of experiences, memories, sharing and growing together, but very soon it took on forms of such unrealistic aspects, as creating our own language, or becoming so wonderful that just by our sheer existence we'd cure capitalists of their greed, as we'd cure rapists of their violence, or heroine addicts of their drug dependency. Sure, dude, dream on! The other thing I had to realize, is that for most of these people that's all this idea would ever remain: nothing but talks of lofty ideas. And I didn't want to be most people.

Experiencing Communal Living

About two decades ago, in Tucson, Arizona, I had the pleasure to be part of an intentional community, in form of a housing co-op. During the nine months I was involved with them, I got to see how it lost its space and seemed to get dissolved, went into exile for a while, before becoming organized into resurrection by myself and a good friend. It was a beautiful, magical time, where I got to see the full potential of people, from making amazing things happen by pulling in the same direction, to ganging up on each other and creating dissent for the stupidest reasons. Eventually I had to leave it all behind for reasons of paperwork and obligations to the nation-state. Though many people who have heard parts of this story recommended me to write a book about it. I still think I should... In any case, it gave me a great example to avoid and emulate at the same time.

Volunteering in EcoVillages

Eventually, a good ten years ago I decided to immerse myself in learning about living on, with, and off the land. I took a Permaculture course, and then went wwoofing on various farms, homesteads, and Permie projects to strengthen my practical skills. On the way I came across many communities that were quite close to my idea of an ecovillage. What I realized again and again, was that even though on the surface these places seemed like an organic paradise, more often than not they had one or more serious flaw, which excluded them as a desirable place for me. One village was owned (and ruled) by one charismatic and powerful dictator, who tried to see himself as benevolent, making those who believed him happy, and everyone else bitterly angry. What was even worse, was another place that was ruled by a pseudo-religious cult-gang, so you couldn't even point a finger blaming anyone in particular. Talking about blame, what also bothered me a lot was the prevalent presence of conspiratorial blame against... well, most people outside the village. As much as I loved their Earth Care techniques, the way they practiced the People Care part was completely contrary to my idea.

Real Peasants of Modern Times

The last stop on my journey through farms and communities was a traditional Hungarian village, comprised not of idealistic hippies, but of people who had been living with the land for generations, in the same place. That experience was probably even more sobering than any of the previous ones. What I'm glad about, is that those months did not completely make me lose my faith in humanity, because now I'm sure nothing will. Between ethnic-racial hatred on both sides, complete refusal of any responsibility for one's life situation, and fully surrendering oneself to the exploiters, while at the same time begging them for handouts / demanding their rightful share, it all disgusted and disillusioned me. Oh, and forget about Earth Care! All traditional knowledge that made it into the 90's had become abandoned to being nothing but a memory by recent times. In that case I'd rather go back to the hippie dreamers. At least they would make love, not war. And in the end I did choose love, though not the hippies.

Settling Back in the City

I got married in 2013 and moved "back" to Mexico City, where my wife is from, and where I met her seven years before. Since then the idea of the ecovillage has been put on hold, although I kept getting involved in various Permaculture related projects, and discovered natural building. I attended the Earthship academy, where I met some amazing people, and soon I found myself participating at various construction projects, from Colorado to Oaxaca and Vancouver Island. It was all great times, and I realized that volunteers participating in a build form their own temporal community or ecovillage, which has its own fading beauty. It's ironic, how intentional communities, meant to be enduring, can become so difficult and even painful to experience, while people who were thrown together haphazardly to complete a project for one summer can inadvertently create something wonderful and lasting. Still, at the moment I am not in either one of those beautyful places, but back in a stressful urban area, though at least with a wonderful person. I'm still hoping to spirit her out of this place, but it would be good to have a worthwhile destination. Because Berlin, London, New York, or Tokyo would be poor substitutes to the CDMX, notwithstanding all the money flowing around in those places.

Answer to the Question

So once again, responding to Anubis, and my fellow @ecotrain riders, what reasons can I state for not moving to an ecovillage tomorrow? Is it disillusionment with the communities I met? Not necessarily, for there were enough admirable ones, or at least each one had at least one good aspect about it. Or is it the flaw of human nature all together, that eventually we surrender to petty dictators and fanaticism? I wouldn't say so, as that would be generalizing away all the wonderful aspects of who we are, with our infinite creativity in coming up with social structures. Sure, sometimes they just don't work, or rather are not appropriate for the setting, the members, and the situation. But having learned from seeing all of those communities function, I think it could be useful for creating my own. So what keeps me from doing it? Could it be having succumbed to the comforts of marriage? I think there is a good deal of truth in that, as it is certain: if a dinner and some sharing time with someone you know and love so much is pretty much guaranteed on a daily basis, it is not easy to tear yourself away from it. Even if you don't really relate professionally, or even ideologically, very much. However, there have been several examples (like 2018 in its entirety) where I did manage to do so, and I still call it the best year of my life. In spite of the fact that I was more or less on my own, that is, without my partner.

So Why Am I Not Building My Own Ecovillage?

In a nutshell I guess I'd say it's because I haven't found the right place, and stopped looking. I haven't found the right people, and stopped searching. I have given in to the daily comforts of living with a partner who's much more adjusted to the unadjustable factors of urban life.

Is this a valid answer, Anubis? Have I spoken the truth? Can these words make my heart feel as light as a feather? The face in the mirror agrees, and that's really all that matters. So I feel no shame in sharing all this with the world. A special thanks goes out to the @ecotrain for providing the opportunity for me to do so.

Of course, the big difference is, I am not dead, neither am I dying. So instead of admitting my soul to the afterlife, I get a chance to participate in the creation of an ecovillage, should that be my purpose. As for right now, I am honored to have the opportunity to provide an answer to this week's QOTW.