"I want you to think about all that you are, instead of all that you are not"
Almost every aspect of my life is challenging. Changing positions, getting out of bed, putting on lotion, getting dressed, sitting, standing, walking, lifting, bending, cooking, eating, cleaning, hobbies of any form. Nothing is done like a normal person. None of those things and probably anything else you can think of.
I have a cold again, my immune system is a joke. But I also couldn't sleep again, the weather is changing back to cold (or maybe it's just me), my body is on fire. I felt like I was the definition of miserable. I'm convinced the CRPS crawled up my right arm into my neck since I received all those injections in August. I can't touch it and neither can anything else, just like my arm, but also different.
It's so frustrating to think about.
I have been working on my CRPS networking and have found some amazing people and organizations along the way. One group often posts chronic pain memes and a lot are really relatable and connect with me. One shows a girl in a dress with her hair all pretty and wearing jewelry saying "how I used to dress". It was next to a picture of a girl in loose clothing and sweatpants asking to go lay down now, with the tagline "me now".
I have been laying on the couch since 6am. Pain over taking my already miserable sick self. I have my own version of Ruby red slippers. They're red and fluffy. To go along with them, I'm rocking an oversized fluffy onesie and I stuffed the back, legs and arm with heating pads since I forgot my heating blanket at work on Friday. Every time I cough I cry beause it jerks me physically and I'm miserably sore.
I was feeling pretty pathetic before I practiced my neuroplasticity. Or what I used to call, my positive Jedi mind tricks.
I felt depressed, defeated and worn out for the past 3 hours before I reminded myself.
I'm ok.
I mean, physically I'm a little beaten up compared to my normal. But mentally, I'm still the same person I am when I'm happy. Why can't I feel that now? I needed to pause the negativity I was throwing at myself and "trick my brain".
I grabbed my book of positive quotes that I have accumulated over the past few years and started to read them. I reminded myself of my mission of positivity and decided to make the best out of my couch situation. I made an Instagram post using a beautiful picture taken by the 10k champion of the Walk to Conquer CRPS, Tina <3 She is the one who is creating the support group with me and she is an amazing inspiration.
And now I am continuing my productive positivity from the couch by creating this post. Inspiring one person at a time to just flip the switch in your brain. Make it ok.
Everyone has the ability to. Neuroplasticity is a term I just learned in the past few months. I honestly thought something wasn't correct with my wiring because I was convinced I was retraining my brain with positive thinking. "Faking it until I make it", but really, it is scientifically working. Slowly but surely.
I caught myself eventually feeling dark and upset with myself this morning. I am working on being kinder to myself and feel the best way to do that is by creating positive vibrations, like this :)
So, I know I'm not able to do a lot of things, but I can't let that be my focus. I am proud of all I can accomplish on a good day, and I have to be ok with myself for what I do accomplish on a bad day. Helps flip the bad day into a good. One day at a time :)
Be kind to your mind and those around you. Make today an ok day with positive thinking.
Positive thoughts,
-Kristen Sparkle
