To envy another person's situation is one of the most miserable feelings one can experience
To ruminate on what you don't have is to discredit everything positive in your life. Comparing your life to another's is a form of self-sabotage.
And yet, it's very easy to find ourselves thinking about everyone else in our life who clearly has it 'better' than we do. We all have a friend making more money than us, we likely know someone with a larger social network, perhaps we envy another person's job or relationship.
If you want to make yourself miserable, start thinking about all the things you don't have and you'll surely feel like shit in no time.
It's easy to reduce another person's life to all of the parts you wish you had
When we envy another person's life, we distort their situation into some ideal perfect life, ignoring every other aspect of their existence. I'll bet that your friend that has a boatload of money also envies those who have more time, more friends, or other things they don't have.
The classic line of the grass always being greener is such an obvious statement that it is easily ignored. But it is something worth remembering, especially when we start to ruminate on all of the things that we are certain would make our life better.
If we are always in a state of wanting more, no factor or event will ever make us fulfilled. We will bounce from situation to situation, always looking ahead instead of appreciating what is in front of us.
Better yourself without envying what you don't have
To some extent, envy is rooted in the fact that we want more for our lives, that we are not satisfied with our current predicament and want to reach higher. This is completely normal and desirable, as it is crucial to always be striving to improve our circumstances, health, and overall wellness.
This becomes problematic when we can't appreciate any part of our current situation, especially when we begin to look at how much better others appear to have it than us. American poet Henry Abbey said of envy: "Envy is the coward side of Hate, And all her ways are bleak and desolate."
If you've spent any degree of time envying another's life, you'll know how dreadful and miserable it feels. The whole experience is utterly disempowering and destructive to our well-being, yet some part of our mind lures us back into this state of helplessness.
Gratitude is the antidote
There are many times throughout my day where I fall into the old habit of self-loathing, self-pity, and end up envying another's situation. I've practiced this behavior quite a bit in my life, which makes it difficult to fully let go of it despite my increased self-awareness.
Of all of the strategies I've used to combat these feelings, one of the most productive is to think of all of the things in my life that I am grateful for. It is a great way to balance out the distorted view of reality that my mind is presenting, and I soon realize that my envy is completely delusional and pointless.
Practicing gratitude is often antithetical to the western way of life, as we are told to always get ahead and be the best we can be. Gratitude can easily be confused with complacency through this lens, but it is an essential element to experiencing joy in our lives.
The next time you fall prey to the trap of envy, give thanks instead. You'll be grateful you did.
All uncredited pictures from pixabay.com or my personal account
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