How do you know when you are a grown-up in western society?
This is a question I have pondered a lot recently, as there is a surplus of adult children in our world that seems to grow with each passing year. This phenomenon is illustrated perfectly by the way we use the ridiculous term 'college kids', referring to 18-22-year-olds as children without batting an eye.
Of course, a close examination of this section of the population reveals that these individuals tend to still resemble children. They usually lack personal responsibility and accountability and are often incapable of completing basic tasks, such as cooking, cleaning, and laundry.
I should know: I was once the standard American millennial man-child. I couldn't cook a decent meal to save my life, I didn't take responsibility for my life and spent a lot of my college years in party mode. It took me many years after college to get my shit together and become a fully functioning man.
Unfortunately, this tends to be the rule and not the exception
We live in a world that is obsessed with finding ways to become younger, while at the same time is almost completely disinterested with things such as maturity, accountability, and personal sovereignty.
'Adulting' has become a verb for millennials, as it is an action that is outside of their normal state. We use it jokingly, but we often miss the sad truth that underlies its usage: we don't know how to grow up.
But this isn't a new phenomenon. Generation Xers and baby boomers struggled with similar issues of reaching adulthood. Though their path to an independent livelihood was much more straightforward and attainable with plenty of well-paying middle-class jobs and affordable houses, they still grappled with what adulthood means.
America has no clear rite of passage
Many cultures throughout history have coming-of-age rituals, some of them sensible and others downright cruel. Not all rites of passage are created equal but nevertheless, these ceremonies exist with a distinct purpose: letting a person know they have transitioned from being a child to an adult.
What is the equivalent rite of passage in America? When you get a driver's license? When you turn 18 and are legally an adult? Perhaps it's when you turn 21 and can legally consume alcohol? Maybe it's when you graduate college, or perhaps it's when you buy your first home?
The truth is, we don't know the answer. While these are examples of taking on additional responsibilities, the fact that we don't have a clear rite of passage leaves many people in a perpetual state of adolescence.
Many individuals wander around without a clue of what it means to be an adult, mainly because their peers and elders don't really know either. We can envision the things we want to have as an adult, such as a spouse, a house, a healthy bank account, and maybe children of our own. However, we don't know what it means to be an adult.
So what does it mean to be a fully mature human in America in 2018?
Opinions will differ on this, and I certainly don't have all of the answers. Frankly, I'm only just beginning to figure it out for myself. But I do have a few ideas.
First, being a grown-up means taking accountability for yourself. Not just your economic circumstances, I'm also referring to your emotional and physical health. It's easy to play the victim and blame others for our woes, but the healthy way forward, the adult way if you will, is to take ownership of our own actions.
This doesn't suggest you're always going to be the most resilient person in the world that never needs outside assistance, it just means you become sovereign over your emotional and physical state. When you own your emotions you take the power away from another to 'make' you feel a certain way. Taking control of your physical health through diet and exercise is another essential component in taking ownership over your life.
Second, we must acknowledge our role in the greater issues that face our world, such as war, environmental destruction, and overall societal injustices. I don't say this in the traditional collectivist mindset that states we must sacrifice our freedoms in the name of the greater good.
I'm referring to the simple truth that our individual actions matter in the overall big picture. It's easy to disempower our behaviors as being trivial and not making much of a difference, but this is a defeatist mindset that encourages irresponsible actions and results in the majority of society looking to someone else to fix the problem.
Third, we must be caretakers of our surroundings. We cannot control the overall outcome of our world, but we can make an incredible impact on our immediate environment. Whether this means growing a garden, volunteering in your community, or just treating the people in your life with dignity and compassion, all of these actions can create a ripple effect beyond your comprehension.
The day you take accountability for your life is a momentous step towards being an adult. And in a complicated and mixed up world, that's a massive first step towards finally growing up.
All uncredited pictures from pixabay.com or my personal account
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