When I found out I was pregnant, I was very much overjoyed. I have been wanting to have a kid. I already have plans, hopes and dreams for her even before she was born. Even before I saw those two lines. And so during my entire pregnancy, I have been very careful. I only ate food that I know would be good for her, I avoided anything that the doctor says would harm her. Even staying up late for my hobbies. I literally changed myself just so I could be the best mother for her.
When she finally came out, I was filled with so much happiness, I almost forgot that I went through 18 hours of labor. No, there were no tearful moments because the first words that came out of my mouth when I saw her was "Hi Baby! Oh, why do you look like your dad?"
The Beginning
But I have already noticed how protective I was of her. When the nurse took her from me after our first hour cuddle to show her to her dad and to clean her up, (they didn't allow my husband to be beside me during the childbirth) I kept looking at the door. Crazy thoughts were running in my head.
Where has she brought my baby?
What's taking too long? (She only took my baby out to her father for some 3-5 minutes.)
Is she really just taking her to her father?
I almost wanted to get up if my doctor hasn't finished stitching me up down there. I wanted to shout "Where's that nurse! Bring my baby back to me!"
I thought that was just normal back then. Mother's instinct. Mother's care. Mother's love. But as she grew up, I find it hard for me to let her go. I can't literally leave her alone even with her grandparents or aunts. I know I am just being protective but I feel like I am almost crossing the line of being an overprotective mother.
The Fingernail Incident
And it didn't help when her aunt accidental cuts her fingernail a tad too short, it wouldn't stop bleeding. This was when she was one month old. It took me months before I could forgive my sister-in-law. I know I am a bit overreacting but she made my little bleed. If it were legal, I'd have made her bleed too. (That's how furious I was back then.) When I was finally getting over being angry, the same aunt did the same thing. Again. This was just a few days ago. And needless to say, I am back to square one again.
A Bit too Paranoid
But anything that's going overboard is not good. When I noticed that I am being too overprotective, I started to loosen up a bit. Whenever I bring her out to the park or to the mall, I let her run around, jump, fall, get up, and just literally have fun. A huge part of me is screaming to go to her, pick her up and protect her in my arms. But I always remind myself that I need to let her enjoy being a kid too.
I used to bring my baby carrier whenever we go out. This used to be because she falls asleep easily before. But when she was growing up, the reason I carry her in the baby carrier is to protect her from any possible abduction. Yes! I am that paranoid! She's my first baby and I feel there is always danger lurking around. While I am typing this, I feel silly.
Slowly but Surely
Now that she can walk and talk and run and jump around, it gets a bit harder for me to keep her in my mom-radar. But I can say that I am slowly loosening my grip. Little by little, I am noticing some progress. I can now let her walk beside me when we go out to the mall. I can now sit down by the benches while I am watching her run in the grassfield. I now can stop myself from overreacting when I see her fall.
I know I still have to work on letting her go out with our relatives without my presence. But after the second nail-cutting incident, I think it is going to take some more time for me to let her out of my sight. But I know we'll get there. For now, I just want to enjoy her company. While I am still her hero. While I am still her only best friend. While I am still the only person she wants to comfort her when she is in pain.
This is my entry to @steemitmamas' Parent Contest.Thank you @steemitmamas for this opportunity to share our parenthood thoughts.
