I have thought about this question quiet a lot. I know in my head, in my heart what I want to say, but now I sit here struggling with how I shall begin to answer it. Because everything has a beginning, a middle and an end. I could start at the end and work my way back, or I could start in the middle and from there move towards the beginning or the end and vice versa. Obviously the easiest would be to start at the beginning and to follow on in that order. But if i choose not to, am I creating chaos.

Sometimes my thinking is quiet linear, I know straight away what I wish to write, I embrace the flow from the beginning to the end and I always feel quite happy with that form of expression, as if everything went according to plan. But other times, my thoughts are all over the shop, overflowing with so many ideas,opinions, visions, dreams.

I don't know where to start and I can see no end in sight, this feeling excites me mostly, sometimes it can overwhelm me, but as long as I keep moving forwards then it flows, not in a straight line, but in loops and spirals, never ending. But all the while I am bursting forth with Life.

Today more than ever, We need chaos in our lives, we need the upheavals and the disarray. We need to be shook up, so that we stand and pay attention to what is happening in our lives. To wake up from this slumber and shake off these shackles that have held us down for far too long. We need these reminders that life is fragile, that things happen outside of our control. But our ability to deal with these inner and outer challenges comes from the strength we hold within, the connection we have to self. This is something that is missing for a lot of people and they feel that things are out of their control, that they are helpless, and end up feeling insecure and lost in a sense of separation.

It is in the journey we take back towards self that we grow, that we find our flow in life. The connection we have with nature, with the natural world. This gives us the inner strength to carry on, because yes life can get chaotic and crazy. Events can shake us to our core, can have us questioning our existence, our self worth. But when we feel this connection, then we know we can deal with these challenges, because life never throws things at us that we can not handle. Because there is a reason for the crazy and chaotic, it helps us to find our way back, back to our self.

I look outside my window at the mountains, at the new leaves that have sprung forth on the pomegranate trees. At the orange trees, that stand near them, blossoming and filling the air with their sweet sweet scent. These trees follow a yearly cycle, of growth and decay, of hibernation and then growth again. Sometimes the summer here is hard, the hot sun dries up the land and the ground is scorched. I have watched those trees suffer, with hardly any water to quench their thirst. I worried that some of them would not survive, but so far no matter how hot it has got they have.

I believe that things happen in nature, as they are meant to, everything follows a natural cycle. Yet there are outside influences that affect that cycle. Some that try and break it. That believe they have the right to dominate and control it. We are a part of nature, yet so many have moved away from the more natural way of life. Is this what has led to the unbalance we feel in the world now. Is this the way that it was meant to go, for the human world to be divided.

Into those who work with nature, who work with their natural self, who honour and respect life and those that are ruled by ego and greed and have become so disconnected that they seek only to destroy and control. Is this the inherent order that exists amongst the chaotic.

My life has been chaotic of late, I have experienced so much loss recently, yet with that loss I shed another layer of myself. Underneath it lies a new me, someone who has gone through pain and suffering, indeed is still going through it. But I know I will come out the other side, I know that I will come out stronger, as this pain has carved away a piece of me that was no longer needed, in order to make way for new growth.