How is it possible to feel so deeply for someone you have never even met? How can someone so far away from you, make you feel like home? How can someone you never knew personally, make you feel like family?
These are a few of the questions I kept asking to myself the day I heard the tragic news. It's been an year and somehow the memory is still fresh inside my head, even though I've tried to get rid of it a hundred times.
For the first few minutes, I was so overwhelmed that I felt... nothing. It was unbelievable. I started searching on other websites in hope to find out that it's a fake news, but I couldn't. For some reason, I'm still searching to this day. Hopelessly.
I refused to believe it just so I could hide and protect myself from the inevitable hurt. But a part of me knew that if I don't let it all out, the pain will only grow, and so I did. I remember how painfully I was crying that night.
I've never felt this connected to someone I didn't even know. Linkin Park is one of the few rare bands that make music which has the potential to give you true hope and make you feel like you're not alone. But with Chester gone, that hope is flickering.
Should've stayed, were there signs, I ignored?
Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore?
We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep
There are things that we can have, but can't keep- One More Light
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
I've felt this way before
So insecure- Crawling
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest- Leave Out All the Rest
I know I say it from my heart when I say their music was the reason many found their own voice. I have never seen a more genuinely attached audience, and when I watch their old concerts, I know that all those people felt the same way I did.
It's a shame on us how he saved so many, yet when it came to saving him, we failed. But blaming ourselves won't bring him back, will it? If it did, I would have drowned myself in guilt by now.
It's funny how people who have suffered the most in their lives, end up being the kindest and most understanding. There's something strangely beautiful about being miserable that causes you to empathize with other people's pain.
Chester,
I don't know how to say this but, thank you. Thank you for existing. Thank you for being the person you were, for the memories, and most of all for teaching us one of the most important lessons of life - sharing your pain.
You may be gone, but the way you made us feel will always remain. May your death remind us to be the light in someone's darkest times. May it remind us the beauty of empathy, kindness and gratitude in our world, and may it remind us of how we are all one.
With unimaginable love,
-ayush