Hello!
Hello!
Hi!
Yes, I'm talking to you. Yes, you! C'mon, don't turn around. YES! You... Ah sighs. Of course, baby girl. I'm talking to you. Independent woman, feminist extraordinaire, chief chanter of what a man can do, a woman can do better, believer in equity, one of the many of her kind.
Listen, I want to talk about something that has been biting me. And oh, it concerns you too anti, yes you. The non feminist. Ehn oh. We need to have a sisterly discussion. My mouth has been scratching me. My hands itching me. See, I cannot hold it in anymore.
What is wrong with us, women? No really, what is wrong with us? For the past three months, I've been really observant of things. And note that I said "us", so I'm speaking to myself too.
At first, I used to wonder why any sane person would hate a word as beautiful as "feminist", why they would despise its use, struggle to dissociate from it, and try to tear it down whenever it is brought up. Why? Something so beautiful and precious and liberating? Hian.
Well, now I know better. It's not the word itself that people hate. It's it's misuse that has eaten deep into the society. These ladies with no moral indication, or perfect understanding of English terms hear the word "femme", and "women rights", and automatically assume it's a call to be rude, unfeeling, disrespectful, attacking, hateful, bashful, intolerant, towards the male gender. It has become their backup word to excuse laziness, bad attitude, terrible qualities and flaws they have refused to fix.
Chai! Antii, if we are fighting from liberation, can you not liberate yourself from all of these terrible things? Must you make it worse? Eh?? No wonder. No wonder the word has attracted so much antagonism. Y'all don't even truly understand what it means!
Feminism isn't misandry, it's not a reason to not participate in basic household chores, it's not an excuse to bash men and consistently put them down... If liberation is what we are fighting for, must we who claim to be oppressed, now become the oppressors? Oh well... Common sense is not so common.
See, I know that there are terrible guys out there o. Men who have these patriarchal values and misogyny eaten deep into their core. Those ones are a special breed and must be handled in a special way. Many are like that because it's what has been bred into them from the moment they could walk and talk. Growing up in a society that esteems the man above the woman, with constant gender prejudice all around us, could not have helped either.
Such things, they take time to unlearn... Truly they do. You must be patient with these men... Put them through, show them reasons- not give them more reasons to fight, rather than love. This is 2019. However, there are some people who are not ready to learn o. See eh, those ones, just free them. Take your slippers and run for your life!
I digress. See, what I really want to talk about, are our men. Today, I speak for them. Woman, you want equal rights and you want to be treated as an equal, but you are not willing to act like it?
It's not enough being an independent woman and being able to take care of your bills, how about his? Eh? Everyone likes a little more money, gifts from time to time. You are not asking him, but why does he always have to be the one to give??
Note- I am talking to the guilty ones. If this sub is not for you, enjoy the read and walka pass. If you have been doing, do more.
Forget bills and gifts and money, let's talk about simple gestures of kindness. You go to movies with a guy, you know your skin is ajepako naija weather configured, and you dinor carry cardigan. Are you okay? So, when he starts shivering na, you'll ask for his denim, or his sweatshirt, or his jacket- because we all know how boys love to cover up and how often times than not, they have a polo inside. You'll now collect sweater and wear, body will be sweeting you. You are now warm, eh? Goodness! Please, where you taught in biology classes that somehow, men are resistant to cold? Shey you dinor know oga too is feeling cold ni? But no na, he's a man, so he can handle it. Issokay.
You're on a journey, both of you are sleepy but it's Bobo that will drop his shoulder for you to rest your head, well-done! His own head will now start rotating like biro cover we used to use to play game that year- millennials won't understand. Wait, if you're a millennial, why are you even reading this? Lol. Just kidding.
The one that used to vex me pass is food. "Hello Baby, I'm hungry. Can you bring shawarma to my place?" "Hello baby, I'm hungry, can you help me order pizza?"
Antii, you are equal, what man can do, a woman can do better. You do not want to be looked down upon because you are a lady, but you want to petted and pampered and served because you are a lady? Antii, you lie!!! C'mon, will you pet and pamper that man too? It's fifty fifty, my friend! I mean, as long as you have the means too. So, goan start making your money, bikonu.
Now, let's talk about asking a guy out, spinning him, telling him funny jokes, getting him to fall in love with you. Ah, I nor go lie, that shii is hard!! I tried it once and after receiving undeniable L, ewo, I packed my bags. Pride will not let me continue. I began to wonder how these guys do it. Girl after girl, L after L, it's not easy o.
See eh, that guy you're eyeing that is available, don't wait for him to make the first move... "What if he gives me L?"
So what? Are you allergic to it? Is L gender specified? You don't want him to look at you someway, to tell his friends and they all laugh over it. But the time that Timothy asked you out, you took his matter to your girls' group chat and even backuped with screenshots. Oshey! You were all "ah, Timothy does not know his size sha. He looked at me and gathered liver to ask me to be his gf, me!!!" Ehiz, shut up. There are guys you are eyeing that are not your size either. You are not even on their list of specs, azzinn, them nor rate you! But of course, you and your friends will laugh over poor Timothy.
A guy can be turned down, but you automatically want to be accepted once you declare interest because you are a lady and he should feel honoured by your interest in him. I have a clean bathroom and some nice fragrance. Mind using them? Because your double standard reeks, antii.
At least, if you can not ask him out, return his energy hundred for hundred. Keep the chat alive. Call him, send text messages- just make sure you don't get on the borderline of clingy/obsessed. You know how we feel when a guy is standing too strongly on our matter? Yeah that irritation? It's not gender based, they feel it too. So, tone it down. Apply moderation.
Oh, and all those small small manipulation we do. Because we know Bobo has small change and he likes us, we blink eye, we pout, and we tell one story that tickles the bumbum. Gbam, alert don enter. Aunty, if you know you have no plans of dating him, and you have not explicitly told him, please stopeet. But, if he has not mentioned anything about feelings and he wants to spoil you, feel free to enjoy yourself jare. If you have said no and he's still spending, hoping to change your mind. Feel free to collect jare. Lol. That's on a lighter note.
Really though, we have to do better. Love your man, pamper him- even if he's just a friend or your brother, or whatever. Like it or not, the society expects "more" from a man financially, and we have been wired that way.. you are twenty-five with no stable income. But somehow, a man that age, in your situation, starts to worry you one kain, because "he is a man". Mbanu. Maybe the job he could have gotten was given to a woman because "equal rights", abi ki lo feel?
Be patient, be kind, work on yourself, try to be your best version... Only then can you ask for the best man. Remember, a rainbow only follows a beautiful rain...
Here, I drop my pen. Thanks for taking your time to read my gibberish. I love you all.
I am zizymena, I support and love my women. I support and love my men. And I believe, respect and care is reciprocal.
Pizz aut!