December 2, 2016

Hey guys. So, I'm going to start writing my entries and whatever else on a wordpad document and then just copy and paste it to post it. Should be a little safer that way due to the random disappearing of previous post. I was also informed that I should be pressing enter after every few sentances. I will do my best to do so. As far as the randomness I can't promise anything

Anyway, so there hasn't been too much going on since my last post. Had a couple women's rocvery groups. I seriously hope I'm almost done with that group. I should be thinking that it's a good thing for me to be doing, but I really don't like that group mucch. Before that group I was in IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program). That one was way longer, took up more of my time, and was sometimes an interuption to my days. However I liked it there. I was so comfortable there. I miss that group a lot. Oh well, hopefully I will be out of it soon. Hopefully I'll just be done with the whole program ayway. Well enough about "group". On a better note I will be 6 months clean from everything December 8th. That's coming up soon and I'm super excited to get my chip! :)

On another note, I went to the doctor's today. I've had this fucking terrible problem with my foot since I got out of rehab. It hurts so damn bad. I now have to go see another doctor because of it. I did have x-rays on it, and there was no sign of a bone spur. I'm scared of the whole foot injection shit. It sounds so terrible and scary. I'm dreading it.

I do have a bunch of other things I would like to talk about, but I am trying to make this entry a little more formal than my last one. Hopefully I'm succeeding so far. There is a couple things first that I would like to bitch about. First of all, what the fuck is up with this site having a porn star on it. It's pretty stupid that everyone had to jump and like that crap just because it was stated that she might be posting nudes. Damn, can't she be more creative than that for some likes. I mean no offensive, but there are specific websites for that. Not complaining about her as a person cause I don't know her. Just complaining about the situation. Oh my, and that Walden dude on discord. Wow, fuck him yo. Trollin' ass loser. I'm sure he has pissed other people off as well. That dude really got on my nerves last night. I was in a bitchy ass modd when he started shit so it wasn't really goin' down for me. I don't know. Fuck it. I ende up blocking him. I could care less. So I'm sorry, enough about other people for now. Before someone gets mad at me and posts dramatic comments. Sorry if I offende any of you.

So what else is going on? Um, I'm pretty sure I just spent two hours browsing through movies to watch. I guess I was better off picking some shitty one "off the rip" to waste my time. I obviously wasn't successful at trying to find a movie so I jumped on here. I'm also going to try and take a picture for each post I make. I guess that will make it a little more interesting, right? Again, if there's anything anyone would like me to talk about specifically please let me know. Even if there's something you would want me to research and write about. Better off learning about shit anyway. Also, if anyone has any ideas as for a good movie to watch let me know. I've seen a shit ton of them. I have Netflix and Amazon video and I'm getting pretty bored with both.

I hope this post does as goo as my last one, or better! :) I didn't even think my last one was going to do as good as it did. Just so everyone knows, that heart story i wrote IS TRUE. Since that walden dude thought I was full of shit. I'd rather write about true shit anyway. I'm not really good at writing fictional stories. I don't like fictional shit in general actually. I did talk to my brother about the statement he had made about what happened to him in the last prison he was at. He said he didn't care if I posted it. I might do so eventually, but I will be changing all the names if I do post it. Let me know if you guys wanna read it or not, and I will post it.

I'm so cold. I hate the snow and the cold. To all you living in nice ass weather, I HATE YOU. No, I don't hate you. I'm just extremely jealous. lol. I just want to be fishing right now dammit. I literally don't ever get sick of fishing. Of course that's also how I had gotten my D.W.I. Now, I just need to learn how to keep fishing without the beer. Seems crazy right? Oh well. It doesn't bother me sometimes, but I just deal with it. I have no choice. I'd rather stay sober than go to prison.

So while I was at the doctor I forgot to mention something. He had told me about another client of his whi has a drinking problem. He did not give me her name of course so don't worry. However he was asking me for advice pretty much for her on how she can quit. I just told him that she should get more involved with AA and try to get as many supportive, and sober friends. I also told him that he can give her my number and if she wants to reach out to me she can. It'd really be so awesome if she did cause I would love to help someone like that. I was in her situation just 6 months ago so I'm sure I could relate to her a lot. It would just be so awesome if she did get a hold of me. It would make me feel so good to be able to help someone with the same problem I had.

I really want to go to school. As far has having that chick reach out to me, that may be why I'm slightly interested in becoming an addiction counselor. I want to help people with addiction. I guess my motivation to try and start school is very low. I've really been waiting for this job to come through, and I pray to God it still does. I need to get back on my feet more and get the hell out of my mom's house.

I can't stand living with my mom. Of course I'm sure everyone would agree that that's a shitty situation, but this one is way worse. She's completely terrible something. She's a slob first of all. That's not me being me either it's the cold hearted truth. She cuts Italian bread on the counter. She leaves scratch marks on the counter and leaves the bread crumbs as well. She throws everything and anything in the sink. Doesn't matter if the plate still has food on it or not. She's really sloppy when it comes to damn near everything. She leaves messes all over the place. I don't know who's more messy. Her or my 4 year old daughter. She can act as a hoarder sometimes as well. There were brown spots on these strawberries that were in the fridge and she kept trying to convince me they were still good after I had already thrown them out. She flipped shit when she found out I threw them away. When she first got into those she cut them up late at night, and left them all over the counter. She does the same shit when she cuts up watermelon. Then wants to wonder why theres fruit flies all the time. She doesn't clean dishes well either. When she does dishes you can still see food crusted on a bunch of them so I always have to wash them all again. I tend to be the one that's constantly doing dishes because of that.

Not only does my mother trash the house a lot, she's very dramatic. She's a straight drama queen. Everything is a big deal to her. Even the things that should be simple, she will make a big ordeal over everything. Which store to go, how to put a lightbullb in, which type of food to get in the store, how to change a room around, how to decorate for the holidays (which she is very bad at since she has no style lol), and so many other simple ass shit. She is the type of person that want to have an hour long discussion on how to do such simple things. She has a crazy attitude as well. She always want to start fights. You may think I'm just saying that because she is my mother but it's true. Other people have seen it as well. If I'm not feeling good, I could be pregnant. If I'm not in a good mood, I must've not taken my daily medications. If I'm in an extremely good mood like a few times recently, she has accused me of drinking. She's constantly snobby too. She's also the type that answers the phone like someone just ruined her day. I really can't take her constant negativity. I try not to let it get to me like I used to.

Anyway, I'm sorry I've said so many bad things about my mother cause she is my mom. Don't get me wrong I still love her so much. She does buy me a lot of crap and supports me at the moment. However, everything that was said about her is true. I only mention these things so you all can have a basic understanding of how my mom can be because I will probably end up talking about it a lot more. She's can be one of my biggest battles sometimes.

There has been some problems at school with my daughter. The teacher had suggested that I come in once a week to observe the classroom while she is there. I had originally planned on starting this on Tuesdays. My daughter had a terrible day at school yesterday so I then suggested that I pop in her classroom today. What does my mom do this mornning? She calls me and tells me that she wants to go to the school, and was letting me know that she was on her way to do that. Am I wrong for getting mad about that or what? I felt like she was stepping on my toes. I did inform her the day before that I am her mother and I would like to be the one that deals with everything.

I have gotten into a lot of arguments with my mother lately because of things that she has been doing. That's not even have of the trouble I have with her. I don't want to keep running her down though. Like I said she is my mother, does support me, and I do love her. I appreaciate all that she does for me, but man I can't win with some things.

December 3, 2016

I didn't complete this yesterday, and I just wanted to be specific about dates. I don't want to say all of the writing was from one day. I don't feel like I'm in the whole writing mood right now. I just woke up, and I have no coffee to drink. I do have coffee to drink, but the creamer that I have tastes like shit. I just sent Sean out for some coffee and a sandwich at McDonald's cause I'm a fatass. Haha. Just kidding.

So I did go to my local video store and ended up renting some movies last night. Now I have two decent movies to watch. I rented "War Dogs", and I rented "The Purge". I hope the first one is good. Seems alright. I have never seen any of the purge movies so I rented the first one. I'll end up renting the second one next if I like it, and then probably the newest one after that.

I'm still not in the creative mind yet for writing. Even just simple shit. So I'm now going to wait for my coffee some more, put a movie in, and just chill. I really hope everyone enjoyed my rants and randomness. lol. Please upvote, and please keep reading. Much much much love

-Jess <3 xo

jcaxo83