### Sorry for my absence due to reasons I will be sharing below It's been more than a week since my last post on Steemit. I was away last weekend to Singapore (Raya weekend) for my sister's birthday and Father's Day celebration with the family. Due to the hectic week leading up to that and me being bad at traveling (motion sickness), I think that brought my immune system down. Had a bad fall off my brother in-law's hoverboard injuring my right arm. On Monday, after work, I made my way to a Chinese alternative bone treatment called Tit Tar to get my arm looked into and got it massaged. Trust me, it was PAINFUL but massaging (by a pro who knows what they're doing is important) would relieve the tension at the muscles to recover faster. On Tuesday, I started having fever but the usual me would just sleep it off with lots of water. Next day, it never went away. Instead, it kept coming back again and again. I woke up on Wednesday deciding to head to the clinic to get meds and take "MC - Medical Leave" to rest at home. The doctor did the usual routine to check the ears, heartrate and then lastly the throat. He said "ooohh, there's white stuff in there!". I looked puzzled and he goes to explain saying "it's tonsillitis. You are having pre-stages of tonsillitis". He prescribed me antibiotics (works on bacteria) and mild painkillers for 5 days. On that very same night (Wednesday), it got worse! Tonsillitis (so I believed) got really worse! Fever was worse! Off and on, non stop! Next thing I knew, swallowing anything got tough. Breakfast and lunch was bread. Dinner was porridge. Thursday, I got my colleague to take over lecture for me as I was in excruciating pain not able to speak let alone swallow even my own saliva and water. As I went along, tonsillitis got from bad to worse till the point I was only drinking as my meal and not being able to take in more than 5 spoons full of porridge. It was tough resting too due to the fever and the excruciating pain that I was in. On Saturday, I decided to look into my mouth with the torch of my handphone shining into the throat and counter AT LEAST 10 ulcers on my tonsils!!! It sent chills down my spine and scared the crap out of me as I haven't seen anything like this before. I did the usual stuff of gargling warm salty water, gargling mouthwash, drinking loads of water, drinking hot honey with lemon, taking a spoon of manuka honey, drinking cold fresh milk, vanilla ice cream etc etc etc. On the following Monday (which was this week) I went to the doc again as my antibiotics course was over and I am not getting any better. This time, a different doc said "this is NOT tonsillitis! This is not a bacteria. Let's take a blood test to confirm if you have high white cells count to know whether there are bacteria". So we did a blood test and the results were negative. I did not have any bacteria hence why the antibiotics weren't working! ARGH! She said it could be a virus. She took a torch and looked down my throat and she immediately looked concerned (shocked face) and said "I have never seen so many ulcers like that before". I was holding my nerves and trying not to freak out. She then continued saying "it might be hand foot mouth disease, but do you have rashes on your hands?" I said NO. "Weird" she said. She goes on to prescribe me stronger painkillers, a specific mouthwash and a specific mouth spray for ulcers. ![S2E06A_Lola_sick.gif](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmb9oGkZbZJCLp7LG5TdoFEK4eibbATDuD8KmmyrqvQ3Wu/S2E06A_Lola_sick.gif) [source](http://theloudhouse.wikia.com/wiki/File:S2E06A_Lola_sick.gif) ### Haven't been this ill for a long time! I started taking them and to my surprise, the results were good! I got better quickly. I was still diligent in gargling warm salt water and drinking honey because it helps a lot too. I am very glad that it is working! So so so glad! It is working that I could finally swallow without much pain! Then I was able to speak, though not able to exert too much. That's good news and I started slowly introducing solid food and it was such a pleasure to be able to do so! ### The road of recovery was an endearing one. Slowly but surely! ## And now for the emotional and mentally draining part of the story... ![pain.gif](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmR6GpxA34Q2kXcFT4GgaQjSHXgrfoy9MiEwRsYqKyKfrh/pain.gif) [source](https://giphy.com/gifs/XBgZuQGJWXuww) #### I was in so much pain that I literally cried many times desperate for this pain to go away! ##### I am not joking! It was rather a roller coaster ride for me from the start till where I am today being able to sit, think through and type. The first two days of being in pain, it was alright for me to bear it together with the hunger that comes along with not being able to swallow anything. I have quite a high tolerance for pain and to go through what I went through really made me break down numerous times. You see, the pain in itself is already to the level of excruciating and when you're not able to eat and always in hunger, that messes you up mentally and emotionally for sure, not forgetting physically too. Let me remind you that my arms were still in so much pain from the fall though it was getting better and the pain from the ulcers, it drowns the pain in the arms. The few thoughts that kept going through my mind were: ##### God, when is this going to end? ##### SO PAINFUL! PLEASE STOP HURTING! ##### I am so hungry, just one more scoop, ONE MORE! ##### When will this pain go away? WHEN? ##### How long do I have to suffer? and WHY #### These were real thoughts and it kept coming and coming. Every single moment it hurts, these thoughts just kept coming. While all these thoughts were going through my mind, I also had the thought that I need to gather myself and HANDLE THE SITUATION! The pain will always be there unless a miracle took place but until the miracle does take place, I need to do my part and to do my part is by holding the bull by its horns! I am not the type of person who likes to publicize my turmoils and circumstances to the world. Not even close ones would know unless I choose to tell. And when I do tell, it always has a purpose. I do not seek for pity or attention because that is not handling or managing the situation. No point! And with all due respect, I do not want to listen to too many opinions or suggestions on what should and shouldn't I do because I know I won't follow or listen. I have come to a point where I will only listen to a few people who will really speak and share their knowledge that will be good for me though the others are sharing and showing their concern. Not wrong. I just need to choose and manage the situation, remember? So, this time.... apart from my amazing husband @patrickleekahooi, I informed @happycrazycon because of her wisdom and knowledge on science and we are like-minded in some ways, my colleague who is like a sister to me and who not only has so much wisdom and knowledge but she was able to look into my lectures and classes (relieving me due to my inability to conduct) and another close friend of mine who is very logical and with much wisdom too. Call me stubborn but I think this is wisdom and to handle a tough situation is to really limit the exposure of the situation to the public to be able to look into the matter objectively rather than having to spend so much time explaining and assuring people. I realize, that people usually get more worried than me and I would spend so much time trying to assure them in the midst of my situation, which I think is not necessary. In fact, it is even easier to update lesser people too on a daily basis, HAHA! In fact, there are some people who would like to share the pain with me, but the fact is, they are NOT in this pain with me. They don't have to try to feel the pain to sympathize or empathize with me. I do not need it as it will not help the situation at all. Apart from that, I am ok feeling "alone"! As in, alone going through such pain because I believe whole-heartedly that NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH SUCH PAIN! So, let me go through alone and people need to accept that. And those who knows me, I am not a loner and I do not like suffering alone. It is more of being practical and logical while managing the situation. Anyway, I came up with a routine to follow daily and kept at it diligently. Apart from that, I had to stay occupied watching Netflix, World Cup, reading news and resting as much as I can to distract me from the pain. Being a Christian, I am never far away from prayer asking God for healing and also exercising my authority against this illness. In fact, I try to fill my mind with what the Bible says and asking Him for peace and comfort in the midst of this trying period. Were there nights where I cry myself to sleep? Yes! And I would text these few people to inform them that it's so painful and I am crying. Will there be moments where I am filled with frustration for not being able to drink/eat? YES! and with the hunger too. I allowed these moments to happen but not for long, then stop and switch to something more positive. I think part of a recovery is not only physical health but also mental and emotional health which would play a huge role. #### More than half the battle is in the mind and most of the time we have to take control of it, slow it down, think through before making decisions or taking any actions. ![download.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmWsZZ1adnapwwPUqCsCe7tVrnX1xBLVzyZsA9Nzbq3MVY/download.jpg) [Source](https://reachoutwithniamh.com/2018/01/19/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-explained/) After 10 days of battling, I started getting better! and better it is! I'm back! Ready to conquer more things in life and I believe that I was just expanded in all ways because all testings and trials are character building time. Woohoo. So guys, whatever hardship you went through or are going through, know that you're built tough than whatever the hardship is. Stay the course! And have control over your mind. You'll be fine :) ![016FCABE91BA5A7DB6D744C0977177392.gif](https://steemitimages.com/DQmVXt6DgAxbNS9ZCxPg9snact5XHstkHeY24ojSQNFNZ3L/016FCABE91BA5A7DB6D744C0977177392.gif) https://steemitimages.com/DQmfUwcVmXPGAuAddS8BZMvqQQXcsubfnhWDUTAi65QQ4Ya/DQmQ2qtQmtfWZYG6M1DamuF4FpQGUgEL2p5cZ3fVBXX1Ec1_1680x8400.png ![signature.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmTRagHcq7k4ZRxJ23dxyZBbN33vudgE3vLScnPAdoSCMQ/signature.png) ![MomentCam_20180519163440.gif](https://steemitimages.com/DQmRu3P71hfXzya4rxqgicTMk67PLsQ9PF7diAr5AXPjd79/MomentCam_20180519163440.gif) ![DQmepDz9DNUfgHYWZCABVYVEL9zjdbe9tnHWBXH2abTYx13_1680x8400.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmdAQnc8VY2HXbt7qyUxEdrTJM7GDeUTS87cvQ95mrk5ae/DQmepDz9DNUfgHYWZCABVYVEL9zjdbe9tnHWBXH2abTYx13_1680x8400.png)

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