So I have had my studio set up for a year now in my _studio_ apartment (aptly named). ![keys.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmYw63KcN7aod5kYou8SuuEa7zMguoQgfkuQCjqzDgPodf/keys.jpg)_Notice the layer of dust from lack of use_ It is a far cry from what I once had, but is plenty for me to start getting creative again; if only I could actually make music. I find myself sitting and staring at my equipment like an artist at a blank canvas these days. When I was teen and in my 20s it was as if a song a minute ran through my brain. I was full-on creative at all times. ![studio.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmXTCr3u913jCsLcGZSCBhVpWGJRuZY7noXEQ56kmZ2m71/studio.jpg) But something has happened to me in the last few years. It seems like the more financially successful I am, the less creative that I am. I don't know if there is some sort of angst from poverty that triggers creativity, but it sure seems to be the case for me! It is kind of like how when you are a kid, all you can think is how if you had money, you'd buy this and that. But then when you can afford it, you suddenly don't care about this and that anymore. I think that is why I really needed this book: ![photo_2018-09-04_15-15-14.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmPueAdKK5RuRGwEHAKwjW6UVTf1HRgUHvb6MqPTSW5HwJ/photo_2018-09-04_15-15-14.jpg)_Even thicker, grosser layer of dust_ Meditation has really helped me to look deeply at the way that I view myself and the world and see things more objectively. I think that I have also learned to forgive myself and give myself some slack. When one feels unable to be creative, it can be really frustrating. You can really start to beat yourself up over it! ![pianos.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmaQz6RH7Mq3ZZKrKW1bLc54K4K5csoeY9jBp7LM1c9yYc/pianos.jpg) You can really see that I am interested in making music! The difficult part is that it's not just a hobby; I have done a lot of music and sound design for games and film. After a member of my family died, and another got really sick I spent quite a lot of time and money providing emotional support for other members of the family. Only after the dust settled did I realize what an impact that all of this stress had on my ability to create. I feel like I am finally starting to come out of the other side of this. I am really starting to realize that the distress that I went through created a blockage which I compounded by constantly beating my self up over a perceived failure. We have to learn to push forward and just let things be what they are. I know that I keep going, my mojo will return and I'll be able to enjoy the things that I love again with even more intensity!

steemling