SURRENDER!!
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Since Quinn was on the computer relishing the high powered position he had earned himself in the league by playing World of Warcraft 16 or more hours a day for a year, we would frequently connect online. I would see a message from him and my heart would start racing, my body would warm with a tingly yet solid vibration. We would stay up into the wee hours of the morning and send short but intense flirty eternal love messages back and forth. (Sadly my emails from those days are unretrievable--they would have quite the story to tell!)
The only thing better than our late night cyber rendezvous was when he would invite me over to see him. I would squirm with delight to be with him, so made many trips to share quiet alone time just exploring our feelings for each other. Often these excursions were in the middle of the night with my windows wide open, wind blowing through my hair, while singing joyously for 30 minutes with Michael Buble’s CD You’re my Everything at top volume - lol! I would park my Mini under the tall oak trees in front of his parent’s house, then quietly slip through the back gate to his cottage out by the pool.
At times I would attempt to surprise him at the crack of dawn by sneaking into the cottage while his younger brother slept in the bed butted up to the opposite wall across the room--which in and of itself was a little bit awkward. It was very difficult at first to sneak up on Quinn, as he was extremely perceptive and even the slightest movement in the air would awaken him. Over time he became used to my presence and would waken enough to wrap his body around mine in his twin bed as I quietly slipped under his covers to bask in peaceful bliss together.
Sometimes he would be waiting silently for me out front in their wooded yard, and I could feel his energy as I approached the house. He would sneak up on me, or I would find him with pillows and a blanket under the majestic trees where we would snuggle and talk about intimate things, or lay spooned in silence, our hearts beating in perfect rhythm.
Quinn was so open and easy to talk to, and we shared things I hadn’t shared with anyone ever. I’ve always been a very private person, so opening to him was both a challenge and a relief. It was scary to be myself and to be seen! Wow! I could feel I had so much to learn from him, even though my life experiences in comparison to his were vast. I became increasingly aware that in some ways I was still an infant.
We took great advantage of the park as our perfect getaway for play dates. We didn’t have to pay to be together or be entertained -- like going to movies, shopping, or dinners out. At night we had the park to ourselves -- unless the cops happened upon us after hours! We would swing together in sync-- one of my favorite activities of all times. We shared many a Quinn inspired picnic at the top of the slide featuring the delicacy of his hot homemade bread straight from the oven (with lots of butter of course) that he made specifically in honor of our time together.
We were so childishly playful. We played chase and wrestled until he would eventually pin me to the ground or throw me over his shoulder and swing me around. We found ourselves nearly non-stop massaging each other, exploring the neighborhood by piggyback, and gasping for air while being tickled as we were showered by stars.
One of my favorite most memorable moments of all time was one night under the light of the full moon, Quinn asked me if I was ready to surrender--to truly let myself be loved. OH NO!! That means I can’t hide anymore. I can’t pretend. I’ll have to let you see me. I’ll have to receive and be with the magnitude of possibility! Ahhhhhh!!! I’m scared!!! I took the deepest breath I think I'd ever taken, and knew I would never forgive myself if I resisted this opportunity to let love in.
Then and there I made the decision to let down my guard, and truly BE love. To match this man in hearts embrace and fly together toward something that was real. I wrapped my legs tight around his waist, we shared an EVERlasting passionate kiss into the depths of time, we gazed into each other’s eyes deep into our souls. Eventually he started spinning around and around as I let loose in free fall backwards, my arms outreached over my head in full surrender as he spun the fear out of me.
My remembrance of him from lifetimes past was becoming more undeniable, as I felt so solidly comfortable and mesmerized in a profound love and attraction with his joyful spirit and the unity we had shared for eons! Spinning around together became a much more frequent experience, every time opening and surrendering even more. Life as I knew it would never be the same again!
Quinn was like an open book. He never had anything to hide, he didn’t pretend, and he didn’t judge. He could talk about anything which was both intimidating and exhilarating. Through his inspired way of being I felt myself cracking open. The opportunity of truly being seen rocked my world.
Little did I know that Quinn really seeing me was not dependent upon whether or not I was willing to open. Though I knew there was something completely different about him, I didn’t realize how in tune he was with me (and with everything), and how he already knew me without my saying a word or doing a thing.
The truth is, being seen was not for him to know me. Being seen was for me to know myself!! I was already receiving the rewards of surrendering and opening up to let him in, as he was the catalyst for an ever more potent journey toward connection with my own soul.
Stay Tuned for Part 10
