Attachment Parenting - Education with heart and mind

The concept of attachment parenting was coined by pediatrician Bill Sears. This way of dealing with the child is often criticized - among other things, very spectacular in an article in the "Time" in 2012. But far from the criticism Attachment Parenting does not want to bind the child to the parents, but on the contrary facilitate their independence.

An important foundation of Attachment Parenting is that, as parents, we see the child as competent to express their own needs. What annoyed mothers and fathers perceive as terrorism is exactly the opposite: the child tries to care for them by making them aware of their needs. With attachment parenting, it is not the parents who decide what their needs are, but they listen to the child's signals and support them in their attempt to develop.

The Basics of Attachment Parenting

Confidence in the child is one of the most important aspects of attachment parenting. Because even if we do not always want to be true: children know very well what they need when. Unfortunately, the little ones quickly lose their sense of it when parents always decide which children's concerns are "justified" and which are not. Canadian psychiatrist Elliott Parker has summarized the key aspects of Attachment Partenting in two guiding principles:

The parents put themselves in the child and can thus find out what is going on in the child and what the child is about.
Parents take the feelings and needs of the child seriously and behave the same way.

In the case of lived attachment parenting, parents behave towards their children the way they want to be treated as a child and even now: Respectful and considerate, affectionate and affectionate. This does not mean that parents set no boundaries or that there are no rules in living together. It simply means that these rules are also and above all set up in the sense of child development and are not rigid, but adapt flexibly to the child and his needs.

The fairy tale of the little tyrant

The physician Johanna Haarers gained notoriety through her education counselors in the 3rd Reich. She propagated a harsh regime even for the youngest, categorically refused loving care, and tried to convey to a generation of mothers that babies are "the enemy." Fortunately, educational science has almost completely turned around in this respect - some myths still recall the unkind treatment of children from before. These include, for example, the stubbornly held idea that children whose needs are too readily met by their parents turn into little tyrants. Their entire being and doing is supposedly designed to annoy, torment, and boss their parents - from birth on. Tyranny is then opposed by a stern and unyielding regime - sad for the children, but also for the parents, who can not see their child blossom, feel loved and respected.

This is how Attachment Parenting works

Attachment parenting does not mean anti-authoritarian education nor does it have anything to do with pampering. Parents who work with their children for this orientation simply follow these rules:

They trust that their child expresses and behaves according to their age and development.
The child is an independent personality by birth and deserves to be taken seriously in its needs and expression.
The child is perfect as it is, does not need to be changed or bent, but is allowed to develop according to his temperament and freely.
The child does not need learning lessons, but is supported in what life has to offer in terms of learning and aha effects.
"Wrong" and inappropriate behavior has a good reason. Trying to find out the parents and not burden the child that it does not "work".
Even bad behavior expresses something - namely a childish need that is not fulfilled.
"Warping" is not possible

Attachment Parenting is a red cloth for many parents, it has the connotation of spoiling and pampering. The interesting thing is, which definition is often behind these terms. From day one, we have learned to repress our needs, to sit back, and not to be so important. Of course, such educated parents appear as if they were pampering their child, respecting their needs, allowing them to express them and supporting them in their fulfillment. Anyone who rejects attaching parenting so vehemently should look into his own past and think about what he would have wished for as a child - often exactly what this form of education wants to impart to the children.

That's not how Attachment Parenting works!

A child who is still nursed at primary school age? A mother who can not let go and still puts the clothes on the 8-year-old or ties his shoes? Such and similar images haunt the minds of many people when they read or hear about the principle of attachment parenting. But that's not the point! Attachment parenting should not and should not be an excuse for keeping the child as long as possible and keeping it artificially "small". On the contrary, the idea is to follow the needs of the child as a parent. It also means releasing it whenever it makes that need and no longer needs it, and does not decide for it when a particular need normally disappears by itself. It is also necessary to refrain from caring, which one might even like to give up: If a child no longer wants to sit on his lap, go for a hand or have his jacket put on, then we have to let go as a parent.

Children who grow up in this way are anything but affectionate and spoiled if the parents do a lot right. They know that their wishes are important and worth fulfilling. But they also know that parents and the rest of the world are not their servants. This is exactly the limit that other modern educational styles propagate and that are simply indispensable in living together with other people.