What values are important to you in life? Your children will pay close attention
Between many educational tips and the demands of daily father-to-be, one's own person often takes a back seat and one can quickly lose sight of the big picture. What is important to you as a person, man and father in your life, what does something mean to you? It is important that you become aware of it, because your children will pay close attention to what you live up to.
You came across this blog because you want to be a good dad. Or because you have difficulties with your child. Or because you're just curious about what others say about parenting. You may rarely see your child because you are divorced or have a lot of work, and you are wondering how you can teach your child what is important to you. Maybe you are a single parent and sometimes feel overwhelmed.
No matter how exactly your parenting role is defined, today I would like to ask you one of the fundamental questions of successful education:
How satisfied are you with yourself and your life?
Now you are probably wondering what that has to do with the education of your child. You may be hoping for good advice to cope with your 2-year-old's stubbornness or to keep your teenager from throwing up the school. Believe me, the answer is not (only) in concrete education but above all in how much you live in harmony with yourself and your environment. Children learn for the most part through observation. If you do not live up to what you want to teach your child, then all educational measures are pointless. The biggest gift you can give your child is to show him through your own life how to make peace with yourself and your life - despite challenging circumstances - how to enjoy the small pleasures of everyday life, how to celebrate relationships , and we master one's difficulties.
The foundation of your child's education is YOU. The more you are at peace with yourself, the more solid the foundation on which your child grows up.
If you are ready to deal with the upbringing of your child at this level, it is about being human and then you face the very fundamental questions of life. Who am I? Who am I when there is no one else? What is really important to me in life? What values, beliefs and guidelines determine my life? What makes me happy? When do I feel passion? Who or what do I love? What do I live for? What's the meaning of my life?
An entire chapter of my educational coach "Maulende Rebellen, insulted Zicken" is dedicated to this topic. Here is a task from the chapter to make you think. What is your life motto? A motto is a spell or phrase that summarizes the personal values and goals of a person (or group of people). This motto expresses what gives meaning to this man's life, what inspires him, and what makes him not give up when life becomes difficult.
Even if you are often unaware of your values and goals, they affect your daily life. A human being makes hundreds (if not thousands) of decisions every day. Think carefully about the routines and traditions that are part of your daily life. Why are you drinking coffee? Or tea? You like the taste? Because it is good for you? Because you can not wake up without? What does your answer say about you and your values? Your health is important to you? You do not get enough sleep? In principle, one can reduce all these everyday decisions to values. You choose what is important to you.
Which values are important to me personally?
The next task is not to rate yourself and compare yourself with others. It's just that you become aware of what's important to you. Of course, you can lie to yourself and try to sell yourself as a perfect person who values only the "right" things. But then the question is, what are the right things? And who determines that these things are the right ones?
So just be curious and open in answering the questions below. Once you know exactly what you value, you can still decide if you want to maintain or change your current values and goals. Your values determine what you do with your time, energy and money. (However, there is a need for special honesty, because sometimes someone says that he has certain values, but if you look at this person's life more closely, and pay attention to how this person spends his time, spends his money and invests his energy, then the other one shows priorities: in the end, the values of a person do not show what they SAY but what they DO.)
And now look at your answers and find the similarities and repetitions. Then summarize the values that emerge from your answers. Values can be abstract concepts, such as love, friendship, or success. Or very specific things, like my family, enough money to buy a house, or the freedom to sleep as long as I want every day. You should have a list of 5-10 values. If you have more than 10, try to find a generic term that sums up some of the values until you have at most 10 left.
Look at your list and ask yourself if these are really the values that should determine your life. Maybe there is a value that was appropriate 10 years ago, but does not fit into your current life situation. (While studying, long trips abroad may be an appropriate destination, for a family man of three toddlers, priorities are probably somewhere else). Maybe there is a value that you consider important, but that is not yet reflected in your decisions (you've been planning to do more sport for years, but have not done so yet).
Finally, summarize your values and write your life motto. Remember, your motto describes what makes your life meaningful. If someone hears your motto, that person should be able to deduce from where you invest your time, your money, and your energy. Your creativity knows no limits. Use the first letters of your first or last name. Write a poem. Use a picture that illustrates your motto. Use a quote or a proverb and change it accordingly.
A life motto as a guideline
A life motto changes over time, especially when the living conditions change. Use your motto as a guide for your life. When you need to make important decisions, look at your motto and then decide on your long-term goals accordingly. Wear your motto with you and read it often. A motto is a tool. It can only help if you use it.
Now, if you're wondering how a motto makes you a better dad, then believe me that your child is paying close attention to what you are doing and above all, how it affects your daily life. If that is not enough for you, maybe you can develop a family motto together with your children.
I´m looking forward to your experiences and additions.
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