Between holding on and letting go - educating children to become independent
We all want our children to get along well in life. That's the same now as later. Education for independence is an important aspect, but parents need to find the right measure. Too much independence overwhelms children, too little of which makes it difficult for them to get along well in life.
Self-employment must be a child learn in small and age-appropriate steps and the parents must be vigilant and aware. Because when a child is required to be highly independent, it must take responsibility at the same time - and that, too, must be learned.
Why letting go is so difficult for parents
Especially mothers often have a huge problem, but even for the fathers it is not easy: The child has to go his own way someday. This starts already in the kindergarten, with some children even earlier in the nursery or with the childminder. At the latest in the kindergarten the small ones are demanded also independent acting. For worried parents, the replacement of their parents' home is synonymous with danger to the child. They are afraid that something will happen to them, but they also fear losing control. The child is exposed to other influences and could move in a different direction regardless of the parents. At least at kindergarten age, this risk is extremely low, but resonates with many parents as a subconscious concern.
The first own steps to isovereign
Self-reliant and responsible acting creates self-confidence at the same time. We know this from ourselves. This also applies to the child, but then, if it can also fulfill the requirements assigned to it. This is made possible by early parenting oriented parenting, but also in kindergarten. Then the child learns by itself, mostly effortlessly and playfully, to take care of his own affairs, ie to act independently.
The decisive factor here is: Which competencies can be transferred to the child? A too high degree of independence overwhelms the child on the one hand because it can not make some decisions. In addition, the boundaries that the parents have to set and set by regulations and decisive action are missing. For a child can act independently only insofar as it can draw on its own horizon of experience. Independent action means assessing a situation and reacting appropriately.
This is how children become independent
In order for a child to become an independent acting and thinking person, some crucial prerequisites must be fulfilled. The basis is a close emotional bond to the parents, which gives support and trust: Even if I fail, I get caught. This safe feeling frees children to make decisions and, if necessary, to develop the courage to fail. Because children learn about trial and error. Order and security in family life continue to contribute to the fact that a child dares to act without having previously obtained restitution from their parents. Because that is exactly what self-employment means: making one's own decisions, trusting that one is competent and that the social environment is at hand in an emergency.
In addition to temperament and personality, these conditions determine how much a child dares. As parents, one can gradually increase the independence, ie the scope of the child, and transfer responsibility to him.
In order to control yourself, whenever you want to ban something to your child, because they think it is endangered or overwhelmed, you should think about it for a moment: Can it perhaps do it yourself? Can I support it to solve the task independently? This will help your child enormously and support the development of a healthy self-esteem. At the same time you relieve yourself, because a child who acts independently at an early age needs less help from you in many areas.
How much independence at what age?
As is often the case in the education of children, here as well: patent recipes do not exist. The degree of independence that can be assigned to a child depends on many different factors, such as the child's level of development, the family environment and the social environment, as well as their own need for security. The fact is that children need free space in which they can develop in such a way that on the one hand they can experiment without danger and practice independent action, on the other hand they are also required to take responsibility.
In the case of all independently education, the background is the parents' trust in their child, but also the necessary security. If you let yourself be guided by your common sense, you need not be afraid to overload your child. It is certainly clear that a one-year-old can not yet buy ice cream alone, but a four-year-old already knows when it does not have to cross dangerous roads or wander halfway through the city, but the iceman is just around the corner.
I´m looking forward to your experiences and additions.
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