Christmas as a divorced father - with or without children

The most beautiful and contemplative time of the year can become a real torment. If Christmas was earlier, when the family was still together and intact, something wonderful, this is usually not the case for divorced fathers. In the best case, the ex-partner is still a way to make a nice Christmas. In the worst case, one sits alone as a father at home. A more than depressing idea.

Especially when it comes to the first Christmas after the breakup, the situation is usually more than lost. On the one hand, the conversion is enormous, because just 365 days ago everything was supposed to be all right, it was eaten with the whole family, made a mess and maybe played something together. But now everything is different. On the other hand, the separation was not so long ago, which may mean that collusion that is in everyone's interest may not work. Before you end up at home in frustration and alone in front of the TV, you should take action. But what can that be?

(c)fotolia.com

The increase of "bad"

Certainly it is horrible, if you have no opportunity to see your children at Christmas. On the other hand, it is also not in the sense of the inventor, if possibly on Christmas Eve, what happened, what led to the separation: quarrel with the ex-partner. If the injuries are still big and a peaceful coexistence or at least coexistence simply can not work out, you might want to refrain from spending Christmas with the families, even if it's only a few minutes.

But even if you have agreed with your ex-wife to stop by, play a bit with your child and present your gift, this does not necessarily have to be good. Before you consider this idea, you should consider whether you already have enough distance for it. Again and again, fathers tell of how terribly they have felt as a guest in the formerly shared apartment. Decorating the Christmas tree or preparing food can become an ordeal if, as a father, you suddenly realize that you can only observe all of this as an outsider - and perhaps your own successor takes on tasks that you yourself used to be responsible for.

The festival of harmony

Everything is possible. Also the harmonious party, if you do not live together anymore. However, a lot of time has to pass before everyone is able to meet for Christmas and celebrate together. After all, after the breakup, it's all about rebuilding your life, your own, but also how to deal with the ex-partner and the children. Nevertheless, it is possible. In the best case, you meet at Christmas not only with the ex-partner, but even with the new partner. What at first seems like an impossible endeavor is perfectly feasible, without anyone suffering. Not only does it require a degree of maturity, it also means that the "dirty laundry" of bygone days could finally be eliminated.

Christmas is not just Christmas Eve

If it is not possible or advisable to celebrate Christmas together, there is of course also the middle ground. After all, Christmas is not just Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Christmas Day are no less festive. But if you can arrange with your ex-partner that one of the two holidays "belongs" to you, then you can still celebrate Christmas with your child or the children - with all the bells and whistles, that is with the Christmas tree, banquets and of course a nice mess. This apparent deadline can become an integral part of the festival and become almost as important as Christmas Eve.

If nothing works: go out

Power struggles with the ex-partner are always a burden. For all concerned, but especially for the children. Power struggles, which also extend over the Christmas period, are even worse, because for children Christmas is a very special celebration. So it can be a wise decision if you do not force a party at any cost. On the other hand, you not only have to take responsibility for your child, you also have to take care of yourself. Spending Christmas alone can lead to significant depression, and while you might think you are safe from it, you should not lose sight of the danger.

Before the blanket falls on your head and you burst into frustration and sadness, you'd better go out. Especially at Christmas, many events take place, after all, we are a country of many singles, the offer is great. The attempt to get to know the new great love, especially on Christmas, is not excluded. With this intent you should not leave the house but better.
There are also events that are specifically aimed at divorce parents. If you have not worked the breakup yet and are especially upset about Christmas, it may be a good idea to meet with like-minded people. Shared suffering is actually sometimes half suffering.

All life get wrecked ?

Even fathers who thought they could cope well with the break-up regularly fall into heavy crises on Christmas. This goes so far that the entire concept of life is called into question. Just when the whole world seems to be happy and contented, sitting alone as a father at home feels that whatever you've been fighting for a lifetime has failed and made no sense.

There are framework conditions that reinforce feelings - beautiful, but also less beautiful. Christmas is certainly one of these conditions. If you find that the atmosphere of this festival gnaws at you, you better not put your whole life to the test. Better try to be as comfortable as possible with the situation. On the 5th or 6th of January the world will be different again. And maybe a better Christmas is waiting for you next year.