Hello new life - How my child changed me
When a child is born, everything changes, first the parents. They have to change, they know that before. But especially in the first child, many parents are initially overwhelmed and have to get used to many things first. As a young father, one matures over time from the former partner to the head of the family, with a lot of responsibility, which one must become aware of. The child has Daddy under control, Daddy has to let go of his old life.
Some years ago I was a trainee, earned 300 € a month, went regularly with buddies watching football, playing poker or driving me the time with computer games. My girlfriend had her hobbies and friends from the training. However, she soon entered a new stage of life, because we got pregnant and on the day of the pregnancy test, her life changed from one day to the next.
I, on the other hand, still had some time and could slowly but surely say goodbye to my old life.
It is always such a latent conflict between mothers and fathers when it comes to baby party, this is the little baby party for the dads. Since the old buddies come and want to pour with the new father once again really over the lamp and celebrate the birth of the offspring.
Among the mothers, this baby party is not very popular because they consider it unfair that the fathers get drunk while the mothers "have all the stress".
Stop having fun?
And yes, for the mothers, the conversion by a child is far-reaching. No alcohol, no coffee, only selected diet, no stress, no long party nights, no crowds, all this means for the wearer of the child the moment of the positive pregnancy test - uncompromising and now.
For the fathers, the same moment has no direct influence on their habits. It takes weeks until the woman is obviously pregnant, only in months will the baby be born. Only then will a lot change for him - until then there is still time.
Maybe it's not good for the men that they have so much time to prepare for their new role for so long. Of course, it's hard for her to say goodbye to her life. They see the asceticism of the woman and are afraid that they have to go there because the woman may expect it.
For months men have time to imagine what to expect. Maybe it will be a girl, they should be easier in the beginning. You hear about the three-month colic, that should be terrible.
There may also develop a certain anxiety that ripens for months. Before the role as head of family, as sole earner, as protector, breadwinner.
Maybe too much uncertainty. It is important not to spend the whole months in increasing excitement and in the end panic to fear the date of birth. Even if the woman has the real problems, she will understand your problems. Such a conversation can scare the future father, create facts and explain the woman what she really is expecting from the father. Maybe then you can also clarify whether a baby-pee-party is allowed.
It's even funnier with a child!
After nine months, the time has come: Farewell to the old life, hello new life! The birth is an incomparable event. You will feel incredible respect for your wife and immediately put your baby in your heart so tightly that you will automatically grow to your new responsibilities.
You are giving up more gas at work because you are now responsible for a family. You are already thinking of Christmas gifts, designing a financial plan for the coming months.
Do not accelerate in the car, not only for economic and ecological reasons, but because you now go with "baby on board" and get used to a sincere driving style.
More sensitivity also prevails over other people: For the baby one opens his heart and becomes more sensitive in dealing with other people. You forgive more, you are more relaxed, you endure more. You just become more patient and confident in stressful situations.
After all, as a father, you behave in an exemplary way and are constantly developing into a real father figure, which later gives the offspring the feeling of security that a child desires.
Dad and son grow together
My son is now out of the woods. His colic, his crying, his insomnia, everything has given way to a more regulated, calmer process. And also for my wife and me something like normality has returned. But it is a new normal. Job, house, child, all came in quick succession, I feel now as father, provider and role model.
But this new normalcy was not linked to such cuts as I sometimes feared. I can still meet my buddies and have fun with them, can live out my hobby as a profession and could also convince my wife that babysitting must be unconditional. There will also be a Mommy party.
My son is now an adult man himself and I'm glad that this influenced me as much as I did him.
Growing up with his tasks is fun and I never felt better than a proud father!
I´m looking forward to your experiences and additions.
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