Life is sometimes stressful. We need to learn to relax, to laugh whenever we can, wherever we are. Laughter has a way of keeping the gloom away.
Here’s a couple of jokes for you. I hope they will put a smile on your face.
Shakey’s Shrink
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there is somebody under it. Then, when I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Doc, you’ve gotta help me, I’m going crazy!”
“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the psychiatrist. “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“My fee is $100 per visit.”
“That’s awfully expensive, Doc,” reckoned Shakey. “Let me sleep on it, and I’ll get back to you.”
Six months later, the doctor and Shakey crossed paths. “Why didn’t you ever come to see me again?” asked the psychiatrist.
“For a visit? Heck, a bartender cured me for free!”
“How do you figure?” asked the psychiatrist.
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed!”
It’s Not The Detergent
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner ‘Mom & Pop’ grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to wash my dog.”
“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
“Oh, he died,” the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an “I-told-you-so,” said he was sorry the dog died, but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.”
“Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”
“Oh? What was it then?” The grocer asked.
“I think it was the spin cycle!” Said the boy.
Better Behave
Jimmy received a parrot for Christmas. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and even worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive; those that were not expletives were, to say the least, rude.
Jimmy tried to change the bird’s attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music – anything that he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got even ruder. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer.
For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming. Then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet. Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy’s extended arm and said, “I’m sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavour to correct my behaviour.”
Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird’s attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, “May I ask what the chicken did?”
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You might also like my previous posts: -
About Love
Creepy Crawlies
Food for Thought
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