Life is sometimes stressful. We need to learn to relax, to laugh whenever we can, wherever we are. Laughter has a way of keeping the gloom away.
Here’s a couple of jokes for you. I hope they will put a smile on your face.
At The Pearly Gates
A banker stood at the gates of heaven waiting to get in. St. Peter asked, “Who are you?”
“I’m Smith, the banker.”
“Well, what you do want?”
“I want to get in.”
“What good deeds have you performed?”
“Well, last week I saw a decrepit old woman limping off the subway with tears in her eyes, so I gave her a quarter.”
“Gabriel, do you have that on other record?”
“Yes, St. Peter, it’s right here.”
“Anything else?”
“About a year ago, on my way home, I spotted a motorist with a flat tire, so I gave him a dime to call for help.”
“Gabriel, is that listed?”
“Yes, St Peter.”
“Have you done anything else?”
“I can’t think of anything offhand.”
“Gabriel, what do you recommend we do with this guy?”
“Ah, give him back his thirty-five cents and tell him to go to hell.”
Buy A Tie
A guy was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it.
The guy asked, “Please, I’m dying of thirst, can I have some water?”
The old man replied, “I don’t have any water, but why don’t you buy a tie? Here’s one that goes nicely with your robe.”
The guy shouted, “I don’t want a tie, you idiot, I need water!”
“OK, don’t buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I’ll tell you that over that hill there, about four miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they’ll give you all the water you want.”
The guy thanked him and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared.
Three hours later the guy came crawling back to where the old man was sitting behind his card table.
The old man said, “I told you, about four miles over that hill. Couldn’t you find it?”
The guy rasped, “I found it alright. They wouldn’t let me in without a tie!”
Materialistic Lawyer
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver’s side.
The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialled nine-one-one, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.
His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.
“I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are,” he said. “You are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else.”
“How can you say such a thing?” asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, “Don’t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you!”
“My God!” screamed the lawyer. “Where’s my Rolex!?”
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You might also like my previous posts: -
Life's Little Lessons
Traveller/Travels
Today’s Humour
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