Educate boys - a task for whole men

Are boys and girls the same? Certainly not. The differences in character can not be denied, even if you try. But where are the differences in the education of boys? And what role does the father play? What do you have to pay attention to as a father and what mistakes can you make? In any case, education is only for "whole guys".

Australian psychologist and family therapist Steve Biddulph describes in his book "Boys! How they grow up happy "three phases of life. They are quite understandable and helpful. However, good education of boys requires more than knowing them.

The three phases of life

According to the model of Steve Biddulph boys go through the following three phases:

1st Phase: The boy orients himself primarily to the mother. In the first six years she plays the most important role for him. According to Biddulph, the father is not that important for boys at this stage.
2nd Phase: From the age of seven to the age of 14, the boy is looking for a sense of autonomy. During this time, the father becomes more important as a caregiver.
3rd Phase: Both mother and father step into the background for the boy. Into adulthood, role models such as male acquaintances or friends and prominent personalities come to the fore.

The everyday life decides

The three phases of life sketched by Steve Biddulph may be coherent. But for the education of boys by the father in everyday life, it is important to master completely different challenges. The first of these is the presence of the father. One might still mean so well as a father and still be so loving to his son, the condition for successful education is the presence of the father. What sounds so natural, is often hardly possible, because even today many fathers invest much of their time in the profession (must). This is not to be underestimated, because boys are not only influenced by men at home but also in the environment. In kindergarten, there are significantly more educators than educators, in school often gives a similar picture. First of all, it's about setting up a "paternal roadmap" that gives the son enough space.

When is a man?

The father is an important guide for boys, also to get an idea of male and female characteristics. Children learn early to recognize the differences between father and mother. That is another reason why it is important to be present in everyday life in addition to your job. Boys who are raised by single mothers or whose fathers hardly ever appear at home, usually automatically think that cooking, washing and cleaning falls within the scope of the mother. The same applies to emotions. When a boy experiences his mother crying but never tears with his father, he easily assumes that crying is "forbidden". Fathers, who naturally work in the household and do not always represent themselves as sovereigns in every situation, demonstrate that the distribution of tasks and emotionality are not separated between men and women, but are part of the common ground.

Movement, movement!

Boys are ruffians. Boys can not talk, but physically carry out conflicts. Boys are always restless and never calm down. These are often the traits that are said to be boys. Of course this is complete nonsense in this absolute viewpoint, nevertheless: at the core there is certainly something in it, at least if one does not consider it so derogatory. Movement wonders are boys in many cases, they like to run, climb, do sports. The father is the perfect partner. Again, as with the division of tasks between men and women or emotionality, it does not have to be the typical "fathers games" that the son needs. Climbing a tree, playing football in the park or battling are important things for the boy. But also the painting, crafting or assembling of individual parts is one of them. By the way: If the male offspring like to play with dolls, he likes to do it with his father.

togetherness

To accompany the son through everyday life and to give him the feeling of being there for him is important. It's about the beautiful moments, but also about the sad, it's about having fun, but also about seriousness. But life is more than just everyday life, it must always be something special, especially the relationship between father and son. Therefore, it is advisable to do certain things all by yourself with the son. This is not about excluding the mother or building up a "clique", but intensifying the relationship between father and son through time together. This togetherness may look like this, for example:

Father and son regularly go on excursions together. This can be day trips, but also short trips, for example, for camping or hiking.
Cooking can be really fun! Also - and especially - when father and son are responsible. The fact that often (of course not always) something can go wrong does not bother, on the contrary, it makes things even more exciting.
A project that father and son work together. This can be a manual change of the house or a film that father and son create together.

Boys need fathers - maybe even more so than girls - to develop their own personality. In the process, the father takes on the role of a role model, as a sparring partner, and as a teenager in his youth, as the one one wants to differentiate from. Therefore, it is important for men to take on their father role and actively fill it.