How the relationship with own parents changes with children

With the birth of their own child, new parents get new insights. Among other things, they often understand their own parents and their behavior better in the past. In return, the grandparents see their own children as full adults. This often defines the relationship between the generations completely new.

For your own parents you stay your whole life "your child" - and they see a very long time in a little girl, her baby. That does not change if you finish school successfully, not even with a degree, starting a job, a marriage or a home purchase. One's own parents usually only see you differently when you have your own child. From that moment on, you are no longer your "baby", but are considered as one of their own, as a full adult. At least in most families. The "new" grandparents are proud of their grandchild and know that the young parents, their own children, will now get unknown insights into life and become even more grown-up with a baby.

With a child one understands the own parents often better

A baby changes its parents - it overcomes a great love, but also vulnerability, you take responsibility for your own life, permanently and around the clock. As a parent you think longer term, become more cautious and often more conservative in your own behavior. Over time, you get a better understanding of your parents, the time and effort you put into yourself, and you often understand how your parents lived their lives. Why they were not as "cool" as they would have liked to have liked it, but maybe they could not because of the circumstances.

Young parents are constantly making new experiences with their child. Experiences that parents have often or otherwise made. Also, if you can not or do not want to apply your grandparents' wisdom one-to-one to your own child, it is often helpful to hear that what you experience is quite normal. In addition, one asks oneself the question "how was that with me at the time"? - a question that parents are often only too happy to answer and that can deepen the relationship between young parents and their own parents.

Grandparents see a new task in their grandchildren

Newly-baked grandparents are almost always happy when their "parenting knowledge" is suddenly in demand. Often they give their advice without enthusiasm. This is usually not a bad will and most of the time there is no better knowing behind the tips, but the desire to be needed. In many cases, this phase subsides when the grandparents see that their children are doing well as parents. Then they are usually proud of their offspring and hold back a little more. If the grandparents annoy you too much, then you should take them aside and politely point out that this is their child and the well-intentioned advice goes too far.

However, many grandparents see in the grandchild a new task for themselves and they would like to contribute too much. Young parents may be able to kill two birds with one stone and win grandparents as responsible - and usually free - babysitters. Many grandfathers try to catch up with their grandchildren the time they have not spent with their own children.

Grandchildren as "life extension"

Especially grandparents, who are already older, sometimes gain in vitality through a grandchild, may also find a new reason to go on living here. My own father, who is struggling with some ailments, has called his granddaughter "prolonging his life" several times. My mother, on the other hand, died shortly before we got pregnant. In the last months of her life, she had slowly left her vitality. She felt "no longer needed". Now I have so many questions for you and I am so sad that I will never get the answers again ...
That is one of the reasons why I am trying to share my father's life as much as possible with his granddaughter.