Praise instead of punishment - education through positive reinforcement

One week TV ban, house arrest, love withdrawal - for a long time children have learned through punishment what is appropriate and what is forbidden. Today, the trend is moving in a different direction: praise and positive reinforcement are increasingly used to educate children. This works and prevents mental injuries that can haunt people for life.

Many parents still confuse a positive parenting style with anti-authoritarian education. But that's not the point. Borders are vital to children and must be clear and consistent. The decisive factor is how to demonstrate these limits and enforce them. Here, the "soft" way often leads to the goal much faster - it ensures that children do not obey for fear of punishment, but because they want to please and understand the reasons.

Praise instead of punishment - what does that mean?

This educational principle does not mean that only praise is given and the child can afford everything. On the contrary, especially those who use praise as a means of education must pay particular attention to consistent compliance with rules and limits. However, the boundaries should make sense and have something to do with the life and personality of the parents. Often set boundaries are dictated by society and would actually not bother the parents themselves: If it does not bother you that your child dips his toast in apple juice, there is no reason to ban it. If your son prefers playing with dolls, you should let him.

Praise instead of punishment means that good deeds are more important than mistakes. It means that the focus is on what your child can do and not on the mistakes that it makes. Watching your child and praising every good approach, your motivation to please and to behave properly will increase more and more. And you too will notice that your attitude is changing. Gradually, the positive is increasingly in focus. This creates a harmonious family climate and a loving atmosphere.

Education with positive reinforcement

Whenever your child does something right out of their own impulse, you should praise it and show it your appreciation. This way, your child learns effortlessly and casually what is right and what is not. The praise should be simple but heartfelt: a smile of appreciation or a few words of praise will suffice to show the child that you have registered your behavior and that you think it is good. As a result, it feels honored and loved and will continue to strive to behave appropriately. It gets certainty. Over time, it gains more self-confidence through positive reinforcement: What I do is good and right! I can choose the right one!

Rule of thumb: rant once, praise four times

In order to implement the principle of "praise instead of punishment", it is important to praise more than to criticize. As long as this has not gone into your flesh, you should heed the rule that criticism should be followed four times by praise. If you feel that there are no reasons to praise your child, then you should clearly criticize less often. For ranting does not help the child to recognize what is required of him. Usually, criticism looks like this:

"Stop fidgeting" instead of "sit down".
"Do not do such a mess here" instead of "Eat with spoon and fork and not with your fingers".
"Why are you arguing again?" Instead of "What chance could there be to resolve the issue without quarreling?".
If you find it difficult to praise and you think you can not find a reason, then take a look for the obvious that your child already does without being asked to do so: It hangs up his jacket, clears his plate and pulls his shoes inside Corridor out. All the rules that it has already learned and observed. If that is no reason to praise!

Attention by negative behavior

Children who are much abused and punished learn that they always receive a lot of attention when they do something wrong. No wonder, then, if the sprout deliberately misbehaves. This is especially true when there is no attention or praise for good behavior. The principle works the same way in this case: If a child receives praise and thus attention to good behavior, it will do so over and over again and this creates a win-win situation for all concerned. Your child learns how to behave well and receives your attention and affection. You teach the rules that are important in living together with family and other people in a positive and friendly way.

Did I forget something? Can you think of any more points?
I´m looking forward to your experiences and additions.