RESISTANCE TO CHANGE
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Birthday Intermission Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20Intermission No. 2 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Intermission No. 3 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Intermission No. 4 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Intermission No. 4 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54
People were excited to pay Quinn for his insight. His calendar was immediately being booked, which meant our chain of continual love moments together was about to shift. I hated that, and was not excited in the least to let him go. I was sad. I was afraid. I was already feeling lonely just with the thought of being without him. But I blessed him anyway and sent him out the gates on his new adventure alone.
Many men were grateful for his ability to cut to the chase and get straight to the solution to their inquiries, and women were grateful for his direct, but soft and loving ways. People were making radical healthful changes, and were so excited about finding a fresh approach.
Lots of testimonials were pouring in, in gratitude for the solutions Quinn helped them to find. They were wowed! He had found a really good niche, with concentrated and direct enough connection to really help people ignite some positive change.
Quinn came home between his trips when they were local, and whether he was here or away, we kept a continual flow in our texts communications throughout his absence. We also sat silent on the phone with each other in breath every day or so between the intense sessions with those he was with.
A few out of state week-long sessions took him further away, and people began booking back-to-back, keeping him away longer and longer. Quinn shared with me how fulfilling these session had been for him and how much his clients were gaining from the experience. I was super happy for Quinn and for all those other people, yet was feeling sorry for myself. We mostly texted to stay in touch, but I was missing his presence greatly.
I tried filling my every day with something meaningful. I kept up on the garden and hosted a few people who came through the vortex. But though I was completely here to continue the life we had activated together, I was not truly present to make magic happen here alone.
I knew Quinn was out conquering the world. As was true to his every waking moment, he was taking advantage of everything that showed up in his reality, amplified it and made it even better. I could feel how much I had come to rely on him being my other half--or even my 3/4s. He left such a huge hole here that nothing could seem to fill.
I journaled. I made art.
I meditated and meditated and meditated. I spent most of my time alone out in nature or finding a way to express myself as I knew I needed to let this sadness get out of my body. I couldn’t get a grip of how Quinn could just let go and walk away, searching for something that in my mind could never top the magnificent love we shared. I kept praying for the most benevolent outcome, yet knew that deep inside I was holding myself apart from it.
I was well aware that my internal energetics were bound to show up in my experience. One cannot focus on fear and separation, and at the same time activate love and togetherness. Though I could feel myself falling into somewhat of a depression, I kept trying to keep my spirits high. My challenges to stand in love were trying, most of all loving myself. Being hard on myself for not evolving quickly enough to be with Quinn was devastating. I knew he was ready to soar, and the world I had known was falling apart all around me. Not only was I without Quinn, I was so hard on myself it was like taking a perpetual beating.
I hung on to every conversation we had. I lingered in the stillness of our hearts beating together during our silent phone connections. Life was changing. I obviously wasn't great at change. Aargh....another opportunity to upgrade. How was I going to show up for myself?
Thank you for reading my blog and for going on this journey with me toward Unconditional Love!
Stay Tuned for Part 56
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