I am one of thousands of people affected by @quinneaker's visionary community the @gardenofeden. As we clean and organize in preparation for a big move towards Eden 2.0, it's time to let go of my own incredible history here:
Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4 ~ Part 5 ~ Part 6 ~ Part 7 ~ Part 8 ~ Part 9 ~ Part 10 ~ Part 11 ~ Part 12 ~ Part 13 ~ Part 14 ~ Part 15 ~ Part 16 ~ Part 17 ~ Part 18 ~ Part 19 ~ Part 20 ~ Part 21
Part 22 šš½
By midway through my second year at the @gardenofeden, I had seen hundreds of individuals and dozens of media outlets take note of the inspiring example and higher standards for a better world that @quinneaker sets here.
Not to mention the countless hours of individual guidance he held for me, speaking to my particular circumstances in private, encouraging me to embody the best version of myself that I possibly could.
I recognized the truth in his wisdom and the pure, selfless service he provided me and so many others. He offered escape hatch perspective to infinite variations of hell people trap themselves in - he saved me from a trajectory that easily could have ended up in me killing or being killed by a romantic partner.
In thanks, I soulfully pledged myself in service to this cause, and prayed that one day I might be able to help someone else as Quinn has helped me.
Despite that inspired pledge and the new role I found here in supporting the isness of the business*, I still resisted resisted resisted, held back held back held back, and wanted to run away more times than I can even count.
Turned out I had no idea what dedication, devotion, commitment, intimacy, or even love actually are...and turns out that learning and sharing the lessons is an even bigger, more important part of my mission here than I could have imagined.
High on life & spring water outside of Sedona, AZ
Secretly I loved and appreciated Quinn more than anyone I had ever known, but I could barely even look at him and never talked about that to anyone. Instead I kept myself shut off behind imaginary walls, constrained by my tightly honed skills of stifling all emotions and who-knows-where-they-came-from ideas of "appropriate" ways to interact with a family man.
Maybe not so secretly I hated myself, felt guilty and deeply ashamed of my mistakes and missteps in this life, and didn't believe I was worthy of being loved at all, much less by a being as great as Quinn.
I didn't talk about love, even though it surrounded me every day here in the @gardenofeden. It was powerful, which both comforted and uplifted me but also made me extremely uncomfortable. I didn't talk about my rotten beliefs of myself either, ever. My mind went totally blank in almost every opportunity I had to be vulnerable and real and raw, so I buried my face in work, work, work and avoided almost all else.
I told myself I was being of service - which was true, because the "work" I was doing was supporting not only this community, but the thousands of people seeking alternative healing and true health care options who stumbled upon the @gardenofeden online or in person. Of course I only applied my skills thanks to Quinn's vision, focus, and the infrastructure he had already established; I wasn't motivated, considerate, or dedicated enough to do any of that stuff on my own.
While I was helping as best I knew how to, I was also keeping myself highly compartmentalized and sticking only to my comfort zone. I was terrified of love and intimacy, and I separated myself emotionally and physically from Quinn and others here by staying in the office.
But in August 2016, Quinn discovered the Steem blockchain, and we invested 16+ hour exciting and invigorating days next to each other building the new economy.
There was nowhere left to hide.
Do you want to BE the change?
Join me in the next post to be part of this real love story!
Part 23
*The Garden of Eden is not a commercial enterprise, so it's not really a business. However we have not yet created an appropriate vocabulary for the sacred, new paradigm economy, so I'm appropriating the word "business" here as a stand in for the deeper reality. I'll get to that in other posts.
āØšāØ Sara!
Do you want to know MORE about The Garden of Eden? Read @everlove's inspiring story of her own experience in this vortex in her series Challenging Love to Be Unconditional:
Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4 ~ Part 5 ~ Part 6 ~ Part 7 ~ Part 8 ~ Part 9 ~ Part 10 ~ Part 11 ~ Part 12 ~ Part 13 ~ Part 14 ~ Part 15 ~ Part 16 ~ Part 17 ~ Part 18 ~ Part 19 ~ Part 20 ~ Part 21 ~ Part 22 ~ Part 23 ~ Part 24 ~ Part 25 ~ Part 26 ~ Part 27 ~ Part 28 ~ Part 29 ~ Part 30 ~ Part 31 ~ Part 32 ~ Part 33 ~ Part 34 ~ Part 35 ~ Part 36 ~ Part 37 ~ Part 38 ~ Part 39 ~ Part 40 ~ Part 41 ~ Part 42 ~ Part 43