A LOVE LIKE THAT
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Birthday Intermission Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20Intermission No. 2 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Intermission No. 3 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Intermission No. 4 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Intermission No. 4 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54 Part 55
Every time Quinn came home was like a honeymoon we never had and had never needed. So grateful to be melting n each other’s arms again, we barely spoke a single word. The energy flow between us was incredible--so obvious that our love was deeper than our mere presence together. Our lives had radically changed with so much distance, and yet we were together as if we were never apart.
We hosted a few events while he was in town. One particular event was with a few relatively intimate friends whom we had known for years. Love and new paradigm relationships were the topics of our conversation. During this conversation Quinn was talking about love and being unattached to it. About how love for the sake of love was such a profound experience, and that allowing love to just BE opened up infinite possibilities. He expanded on the subject with more than just words--he was open flow to the power of love which was intoxicating. This beam of light filled me up, and at the and at the same time blinded me.
I could feel how all of what Quinn shared was true. It lifted me up to know that such a love existed even beyond my experience of it with him. Of course I already knew how Quinn felt about just BEing love as opposed to turning it into a “thing”. I also knew how he felt about freedom and how good he was about being in the present moment. I loved what he said as it resonated within my soul. I knew that was indeed a high-powered love that could surpass all time and space, and I believed that the world would be a better place if we all could love like that.
Yet at my core I could still feel my heart wanting protection. I hated that he felt that way because that meant he was also unattached to me. He was free to do whatever he wanted. He could be with anyone at anytime, anywhere, and that because he understood the power of love, it would likely show up in his experience. Though I admired his ability to even conceive of such a love, I didn’t want to love like that if that meant we would have to be unattached to each other. I liked feeling our connection that made me feel more whole. I was definitely attached to our love and the way we had created our intimate life to be. I didn’t want anything to be possible for him while he was away, and I was torn between opening to feeling my joyful soul where so much love resided, and my fearful and unworthy human feelings that wanted to confine and control things to keep him loving me, and making me the full focus of his attention. I didn’t want an enlightened love--I didn’t want that power to dilute the joy of our being together. I wanted full on immersion again. I didn’t like him being on the road….without me!
Something had changed that evening. It was if my awareness that Quinn was a free man became ever more apparent. I could feel there was a new level of interest in things outside of me and my world that were creeping in. There was a lot to experience out there in the world, and I was already seeing how he was not only making personal client connections, but was taking advantage of all kinds of social engagements that could have included me, but didn’t.
I too could have chosen the expansion of love, but instead I could feel myself contracting. I knew that what I truly wanted was to be free in love, to experience the juicy infiniteness of it, and even though Quinn’s example was a shining testament to its true essence, I could not find the way around my limited beliefs.
I immersed myself ever so deeply into every single moment together. I felt myself holding on ever tighter to what I felt I might lose, even though I instinctively knew that the tighter I grasped, the less free he would feel and the more likely he would seek his freedom some where else.
Thank you for reading my blog and for going on this journey with me toward Unconditional Love!
Stay Tuned for Part 57
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